𝐔𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐰𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 | 𝐙𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐞𝐥/𝐉𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐲

09. Reasons

Zach's p.o.v.

"More potatoes, Zach?" My mother politely asked. I shook my head, not looking up from the table. As usual, I had barely touched my food. "Eat, boy!" My father joked from one end of the table. My mother glared at him from the opposing end. That's how it always was in our family dinners. On a long table, my mother and father would sit at the ends, as far away from each other as possible while Reece and Ryan would sit on one length and I on the other side, alone. I didn't mind the empty space beside me. I was used to the feeling of loneliness by now.

I was drawn out of my thoughts by the light bickering of my parents. "It would do the pathetic boy some good to get some meat on him, he's a no good scrawny weakling!" My father insisted, his face turning red with anger. "Don't speak to your son like that!" My mother defended, reaching out to grab my hand. I squeezed it tight, growing fearful of my father's rage.

He slammed his fists on the table. "I will not have you talk to me like this under my roof, Myta! You will not disrespect me like this over your precious little brat!" My mother's bottom lip began to quiver, but she put on a brave face. "No, Josh. I won't let you joke about our son like that. I won't let you belittle him and hurt him. Don't you think he's been hurt more than enough already in the short while of life he's lived?"

My dad ferociously stood up, causing his chair to be shoved backwards. "Don't you think it's hard for me when all the guys at work talk about their sons, and I have nothing good to say about this sorry excuse of a boy? He's an embarrassment, Myta!"

"SHUT UP!" My mom yelled, as if her anger had accidentally slipped out. The room went dead silent, as if in disbelief that my mother had dared to say such a thing to my father. She never challenged him.

"Zach, take Reese and Ryan upstairs. Please put them to bed and don't let them hear what's going on down here." My mother calmly said, although I could hear the shakiness of her voice. I nodded immediately, grabbing their wrists and pulling them up the stairs. Once we were up, Ryan pulled his arm away. He must have detected my panick, as he placed a hand on me, trying to calm me down.

"Hey Zach, it's ok, I'll put Reece to bed. Go to your room and cool off." I nodded, thankful, and left to my room.

And now here I am, with his notebook. Writing my reasons. Ever since the day I got Daniel's notebook, I'd began writing in it. His book was only half full when it was given to me, so I started from the last page and started working my way backwards. Every time I hate myself, I fill out a page with all the reasons why I should die. Every page I fill only takes me closer to meeting Daniel's last page in the middle. It's not only our words that will meet, it is us too. If I reach the last empty page, I've decided I should be with him instead. I'll stop living and join him in death.

I shakily pick up a pen and open to the correct page. There, I begin writing, although the screams downstairs were getting louder.

I ruin everything. I am the cause of so many arguments, and so much unhappiness. Everyone would be so much happier without me. My family would be perfect without me. They would be happy. I'm ruining everything and I can't stop it. I ruin everything. Every one should hate me as much as I hate myself.

I hate myself.

I hate myself.

I hate myself.