away we go • formula 1

the british empire

"I brought some cookie dough and milk.", Lando announced while putting me down on my bed. "You and your flipping milk.", I said between the sobs. "You love me for it.", he grinned cheekily. "I don't wanna drive tomorrow.", I slumped against Lando's shoulder. "Yes you do! Don't be silly. I even made a Carolin Zwesper sign. Don't let all my work go to waste.", I looked at him. "Are you serious?", he nodded. "Weirdo.", I giggled. "Only for you.", we sat on my bed and ate cookie dough until our tummies hurt.
"I should go. It's late and you have to drive tomorrow.", Lando stood up and I walked him to the door. "Thank you for coming.", we hugged and after a peck on the cheek he left.

"Radio test.", I heard being transmitted. "I can hear you loud and clear.", I sent back. "So we estimated P6 as highest possible starting position. Try to prove us wrong. Oh and by the way you seem to have a super fan at McLaren,", I looked up at the screens. They showed Lando with a big banner which had my name on it. I had to chuckle, I really missed that idiot. "Well I'm just that charming.", I joked.

"Q1 just starting and it's gonna a pretty thrilling Qualifying. Red Bull proved that they got closer to Mercedes. The middlefield being as even as it could get."
"First time by Marcus Ericsson 1:34:865. But I don't think that's gonna hold up."
" Hamilton on his first timed lap. Absolute fastest time in sectors 1 and 2 and a personal best sector 3 puts him right at the top."
"Vettel is having issues. 'Something's wrong. I'm losing power', that doesn't sound to good for the german."
"Advancing to Q2 are: Hamilton, Vettel, Bottas, Raikönnen, Ricciardo, Verstappen, Ocon, Zwesper, Alonso, Hülkenberg, Sainz, Hartley, Perez, Stroll, Massa."
"I'm struggling a lot on these tyres.", I transmitted. "Get some heat in them.", Markus ordered.
I drove my first flying lap in Q2 and felt like it was a solid one. "Come back in. Good lap.", I got told.
"Impressive drive by Nico Hülkenberg who is currently in P2 with only 24 seconds on the clock."
"That's it for Hartley, Massa, Stroll, Vettel and Perez. 'Sorry guys. It's my fault', Seb apologised to his team."
"Alright kiddo show us what you got.", Markus transmitted. "I aim to please.", I smiled.
" 'Guys something feels weird. Please check the sensors. Do I have some front wing damage?', that's Zwesper reporting some problems. 'Negative. Just push.'. Seems like everything is alright. And that's Verstappen with a great lap. But he won't be on P1 for long As Ricciardo come blazing through and nicks it off him."
"And that's Valtteri Bottas putting down an amazing lap that put him on P1." 

1. BOT
2. RIC
3. HAM
4. VER
5. RAI
6. HUL
7. ZWE
8. ALO
9. SAI
10. OCO
11. VET
12. STR
13.PER
14. HAR
15. MAS
16. ERI
17. LEC
18. MAG
19. VAN
20. GRO

It's still weird for me that Pascal has been kicked out in the middle of the season and been replaced by Charles but I actually prefer Charles. Don't get me wrong Pascal is really nice but I just get along better with Charles.
I guess my Qualifying wasn't the best but considering everything going on I thought it was alright. I knew the team wasn't really happy but I'll gain some positions in the race - hopefully.
"Caro we need to go over the data and after that you are free.", Anäis told me. "Ok I'll change real quick.", I walked to the changing room and met with the team.

"Baby even on a day like this you are faster than me.", Esteban called after me in the paddock. I turned around and waited for him to catch up to me. "What do you mean with: on a day like this.", I questioned. "Max messaged me and told me about Stoffel. Now don't get mad at him. It was really nice and he must really care because he hates me.", Esteban joked. Of course he knew I was gonna get annoyed at Max telling other people I was upset. "So I thought why don't we two go out for a meal today. I haven't spent enough time with you.", he grinned and I just couldn't say no. "Ok. But you have to pay.", I said and strutted off. "Sure baby!", the frenchman called after me.

I got to my hotel room and decided to take a shower since I sweated a lot in the car. While I was under the shower I heard my phone ring, well whoever that was had to wait. I washed my hair with my favourite shampoo then grabbed my shower gel. I looked at the label and broke down crying. This wasn't mine it was Stoffel's. I must've packed it by accident.
He ruined everything or maybe I did or maybe we did. I don't know. How did we end up here?
I loved him and now I ruined that. I sat down in the shower and cried my eyes out.  He was my best friend for years, he helped through everything with racing and family and he made me feel at home even miles away from it.
I don't know how long I've been crying all I know is that someone knocked on the bathroom door. "Carolin are you ok?!? Please answer or I have to kick down the door.", I could make out Daniel's voice. "I'm fine.", I croaked out. I turned off the water, wrapped a towel around my body and unlocked the door. I was feeling really weak from all the crying and fell straight into Dan's arms and started bawling again. "Ok let's get you in bed.", he scooped me up and put me on the bed. "You gave us quite the scare.", I now noticed that Dan wasn't the only one here. Max and Esteban were also in the room. "Baby I was worried. You didn't answer your phone or the door for hours. So I got them to help me.", Esteban said and sat down on my bed next to me. "I'm sorry.", I must've looked like a mess. "Don't worry. I'm just glad you are ok.", he took me in his arms. "Thank you for looking after me.", I said to all three of them. "You might not wanna thank me when I tell you that I told Stoffel.", Max admitted. "Why would you do that?!?", I was getting angry. "Baby calm down. Stoffel called him to see if you were ok. Since you don't answer his messages or calls he asks Max for updates.", I was still laid down in Esteban's arms. "I'm sorry Caro I didn't wanna upset you.", Max said. "No sorry. It's really nice of you.", I took his hand and squeezed it.
Suddenly there was a knock on my door. "Little miss popular.", Daniel joked and walked over to see who it was. "Is she alright?!? Oh god it's all my fault.", I instantly knew who it was. "Mate I'm not sure she wants you here-", Dan tried but Stoffel burst into the room.
I sat up and Max and Esteban stepped away from the bed. "My god...", he walked over and wrapped me into his arms. "I was so worried. I'm so sorry I ruined everything.", I clung onto him like I was drowning. The tears where flowing again, how can one human cry so much? "Ok how about we leave them alone.", Dan said and pulled Esteban and Max out of the room.
I couldn't tell you how long we just sat there me crying and him squeezing me like there was no tomorrow, if I wanted to. "I'm so sorry for all of this.", he apologised over and over. "Please don't go.", I sobbed. "Never again!", he loosened his grip on me. His hands wiped away my tears. "I love you.", he took my face between his hands and kissed me. "I love you.", I said crying and smiling at the same time. "I'm so sorry about lying to you I was ashamed.  I was stupid. Can you maybe forgive me- the biggest idiot on planet earth - once more?", he asked. "Of course"

I never put authors notes at the end of my chapters but today is a really dark day for motorsports. Anthoine was a bright young talent who risked everything to become one of the best. Gone way too soon. I'm sure all of you feel very saddened and shocked - so do I. Thankfully accidents like his don't happen often anymore but it just shows how much these guys and girls risk by getting on the track every time. Anthoine was a hero and will always stay one. Deepest condolences to his family and friends.
Rest in peace young hero!