As time passes <CHANLIX>

Secret

Chan:

Felix has been in the nurses office for a while now, after he almost attacked me the nurse took him back in, but this time his anger was different. He normally looks cute and frustrated, but this time he looked upset and I could see rage in his eyes.

It hurt me to see him like that.

Gosh I've fallen too deep.

Felix:

"Who left you Felix?"

Her question was sincere, for some reason I felt like I could trust her, well to be honest she is the only other person to see my scars.

I guess I can tell her.

"Everyone.. my mum.. my dad.. my boyfriend. They all gave up on me." I wipe the tears that were slowly coming down my face and the nurse gave me all her attention. "My mum and dad were drug addicts, they would sell drugs and they got in a lot of trouble but some how they would always find a way out, they did this for me. They sold drugs to pay for my school fees, clothes and food... but as they say once you come crashing down from a high you are at the lowest low. My mum and dad tried to give up the drugs, but as they did they gave up their lives. On September the 26th my mother and father killed themselves. They gave up on me, they left me by myself. I had nothing, I was alone..."

I've only told one person about this. That was Minho.

"Felix I'm sorry I didn't know."

"No one knows apart from my best friend.. so please don't tell anyone else, I like to keep it a secret."

"Of course I will. However why do you harm yourself Felix?"

I knew she would ask this question again, well now I'm going down this rabbit hole might as well tell her.

"After my mother and father died I blamed it on myself, I was the reason they died. I was also alone, I was physically starving, that's why I'm like this I was left for months without substantial food. That was until my best friend found me and took me in, his family treated like a son and still do. However I left them because I didn't want to burden them. As I was loved by them I stopped harming myself that's why I have scars.."

I grazed my finger over my old scars and winced as I remembered the old memories.

"But Felix some of your cuts look fresh.. what happened?"

"Oh those.." I look to my inner thigh where I remember I harmed myself last. "My boyfriend.. well ex boyfriend now, he cheated on me and I witnessed it all. I felt like I let him down, I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. He left me, he tricked me and he made my insecurities come to light again.."

Shit.. why am I crying I'm so weak. Felix stop. Please stop crying. You've cried too much..

"I'm sorry I let everyone down.. I'm so pathetic.."

"No Felix don't say that, you have let no one down. You just don't see the people you're impressing... like that guy outside.."

The nurse looks at the door, I can't see Chan's white hair poking through the window.

"Who? Chan?"

"Yeah I've never seen Mr Bang care for anyone or look at anyone he way he does with you.. it's amazing, you've really brought out the best in him.."

Really? Me? Chan? No he hasn't changed, or has he? I mean he isn't sleeping around anymore and he's attending classes now...

"Well I should let you go it's home time, but Felix promise me you'll take care of yourself and if you need anyone to talk to I'm here and also there is a very attentive Chan who is head over heals for you who wouldn't mind listening, well that's if you trust him.."