*book 1* The Nightmare They Call Life

Chapter 17

I had a normal day at school and Maia asked if she could come over. I texted Ryan and asked him if I could have a girls night and he said sure, so that means he is going to stay with the guys tonight and I can't wait. I haven't talked to Maia in awhile and I feel bad for not telling her the same things I tell Ryan but I'm afraid she won't accept me as a person.

After school was over Ryan and I went home so we could get ready for my therapy appointment, Ryan is going with me again today to make sure I'm going to be alright. Ryan packed his bags so he could go over to Luke's tonight and he put it in the car.

We drove over to the therapy place and we had to sign in again. Once we got into the room I was still a little nervous but not as bad as last time.

"Hi Skylar, how are you?"

"I'm ok, how are you?" I asked.

"I'm great. There are still something's I am confused about though."

"Um ok. What is it?" I asked nervously.

"Why do you cut?" She asked. Those 3 words. 3 words that made my head spin. The thought of my father makes me sick. It makes me head hurt and my stomach turn. It's like he's still controlling my emotions. I gave a nervous look to Ryan and all he did was nod he head telling me I have to do this.

"Uh I-it's m-my father." My voice came out raspy.

"What happens with your father?"

"He abused me and R-raped me."

"Oh my god, Skylar I'm so sorry." She said as she took more notes. I looked over at Ryan and he was looking at the ceiling. Tears were forming in his eyes. It's like he knows what I went through and what pain I felt and am feeling about having to do this.

"It's the nightmares that cause me to do what I do. I can't handle it." I said.

"What are your nightmares of?" Rachel asked.

"My father abusing me and saying those mean words. I can't handle it. I start to believe it everytime he told me, which in my case was everyday. Then I go to school and get told the same thing; I'm nasty, I deserve to die. I just can't handle the mental and physical abuse anymore." I said tears forming in my eyes just at the thought of my father and Crystal and her friends.

"Where is your father now?" Rachel asked. I looked at Ryan again. I didn't know if I should tell her because Ryan killed him. He just gave me a nod and I understood what he ment.

"He died."

"Oh ok. Well that's great that he's not hurting you anymore."

"No just the nightmares and the bullies and mental scarring I now have."

She just wrote in her notebook. "You said you were a lesbian, yesterday. Is that why people bully you?" She asked.

"Yes. I was. A lesbian 5 years ago but now I'm not. I just went through a phase and It got around school. I told my other bestfriend Crystal, at the time, that I was a lesbian because she asked me why I was being weird and she told me that I was a nasty person and she didn't want to hang out with me anymore and she told the whole school.

"Wow." She said as she wrote in her notebook. "Can I see your cuts?" She finally asked.

"Um sure." I pulled up my jacket sleeves and showed her. Her eyes went big as she saw how many there were. "I have more on my thighs." I stated. Her eyes went big.

"I'll help you stop if you want." She said. "It's an addiction I can't just stop that easily I stated.

"I want you to try to stop." She said. "I'll try." I stated.