The First

.13.

The next morning I played sick and had my mama tell Jamal why I wasn't walking to school with him.

After my mama went to work I went to take a shower and spent the rest of the day in bed replaying the situation with Latrelle over and over again in my mind. 

Before I knew it, school was over and Jamal had come over with the crew. 

"Baby girl. Are you feeling better" he asked while kissing my forehead. 

"Yeah I'm okay" i quietly replied. 

"Are you sure. You seem off." he asked. 

I looked at ruby and the crew and they nodded towards my bed room. 

"Look Jamal I need to talk to you" i said while bringing him to my room.

"Whats wrong baby? You're scaring me" Jamal said while sitting on the bed. 

"Well yesterday… Ruby walked me home and latrelle threatened to kill him and the rest of us… And well… I had to bargain with him. He wanted me to let him smash & well, I didn't have much of a choice." I said while holding back my tears. 

"Wait… You what?" Jamal asked.

"I let Latrelle hit it in exchange for our safety" i repeated. 

"No. That can't be. I don't believe that." Jamal replied.  

"Baby im sorry. I didn't have a choice. Latrelle pulled out a gun at Ruby. I felt helpless." I cried. 

"So what you're telling me is that you let Latrelle put his dick inside of you, my girl? He boned my girl… I'm just at a loss of words right now." Jamal said. 

"Babe please don't be mad. I need you right now. I had to force my self to allow another guy basically rape me. I cried throughout the whole thing Jamal. Because I couldn't stop thinking about you and how much this would hurt you." I cried. 

Jamal sat there in silence. 

"Are you okay, did he hurt you?" Jamal asked after a while. 

I nodded and showed him my neck and the bruised he left while smacking my ass. 

"Jesus Tasha. You're bruised everywhere. How hard was he fuckin you?" Jamal asked while passing his hand on my bruised neck. 

"Hard. I was in pain half the time. But I don't want to talk about that. I just want to erase the past and pretend that nothing ever happened. I want to know if you forgive me" i said.

Jamal sighed. 

"Yes baby girl. I forgive you. You did it because you felt the need to save the crew. I trust your loyalty. It was just hard to hear. But promise me something. You won't ever do something like that again. I want you to stay out of the streets. After school you come to my house or Ruby's or Monse's and then when my parents can drive you, they will. Or you just spend the night. But no way are you walking alone or home anymore." Jamal said while kissing my hand.

I looked him in his eyes and felt safe again. There was something so pure about his gaze. 

"Baby…. I…. I love you" i mumbled. 

"Awwwwww. Tasha… I love you too." Jamal replied while kissing my cheek. 

He grabbed my hand and we went back into the living room. 

"Everything alright?" Cesar asked. 

"Yeah everything is great. I just need a cooperative effort to keep Tasha safe from Latrelle. He basically raped her yesterday" Jamal said. 

"We know" Ruby replied. 

"And y'all didn't tell me!? What is wrong with you guys!!!?" He yelled. 

"We thought itd be better if she told you herself" monse replied. 

"Fine. Back to the plan…" Jamal said.

The rest of the evening they scheduled shifts of nights I can sleep over. Between Spooky, Rubys parents and Jamal's parents, i was covered for rides home and for a place to stay when my mama was doing all day shifts. 

I didn't think I needed to be protected like that. But I was grateful for my friends.