A Collection of Short Stories and Poems

Hindsight

~This one was a bit more personal just because I was being pathetic and missed my best pal. I still miss him, but things have worked out. Enjoy.~

I cried last night. To my friends, this may not sound too out of place; rather, it sounds like the opening to one of my dumb jokes that always seems to get them laughing. But I did, I actually did. It hit me hard as if it was a sideswipe into my temples. A wave of what I thought was loneliness overcame my senses in the matter of seconds of laying my head down to sleep. Upon waking up, though, I was actually surprised to have reasoned out that it was yearning to do the things I can no longer do.

Specifically, I suppose, I missed out on some chances to bond with a friend I am no longer able to see. Caeden is his name, and he was probably the only real friend I could bond with here at OSU. And it hurts knowing that we missed so much while we could've been doing so much together, but I suppose that's what hindsight does to a person: you realise where you might have been -- happier, simpler -- when it's too late for change.

But, perhaps that's just me too being pathetic and full of self-loathing to see that this was better for him. I pray that, in his hindsight, he sees his move as the best thing he's ever done. Because, even in this state, I see that this is the best thing for him and that it's not for me to decide to keep him around for selfish reasons. He'll do so many great things now that he's off doing what he loves. I'm so proud of him and the growth he's experienced because he left. While I'm still pathetic, I'm so proud of him that it feels better to realise the brilliant things he's going to do now rather than the fun we could've had together if only we'd been more open with each other at the beginning.

Humans are weird, man. We think so often about what could've been despite knowing that nothing now can change what's been done.