Chilly

15. Hope That Eases The Pain

Jennie's P.O.V.

The tension in the room is so apparent that even the personal waiters and the hired band excused themselves of this embarrassing moment. Jongin is still kneeling, but his eyes are blank, and he looks like he doesn't know what to do.

Oh god, this feels so bad.

I bite my lip harshly, and say nothing. The room is silent that it makes me uneasy. Do I stand? Do I just keep sitting? I taste a little blood on my lips, from biting down on it too hard.

Nothing. We do nothing. Jongin does stand up, but his eyes are trained on the expensive ring on his hand. My heart aches, but I really don't know what to say at this point.

What do you even say to someone who's marriage proposal was rejected?

The silence is almost so unbearable that I just want to leave the room and never look back. How do I face Jongin again out in public, when I know that I've hurt him in the worst way possible?

It isn't fair for him. He's done nothing wrong, yet here he is, standing in humiliation from me saying no.

I really am the worst person in the world.

"Jongin..."

He turns to me, and for the first time, his eyes are filled with anything but warmth and comfort. I did this to him. This moment will forever be ingrained in my mind, and the look on his face will be cemented in memories, a reminder of how selfish I really am.

It all happens too fast. I hear a loud crash from the other side of the room, and I realize he just threw the velvet box on the wall, hitting a mirror and breaking it into pieces. It falls harshly on the floor in jagged shards.

My eyes widen in terror, and when I turn to him, the hurt and confusion in his eyes form into rage. His knuckles are turning white from how hard he's balling his fists, and for the first time, I'm terrified of him.

"Jongin, can we talk?" I mutter, swallowing a lump in my throat. I have never seen him like this, not even when we fight.

Jongin laughs, shaking his head. Running his fingers through his hair harshly, he sits back down and doesn't look at me. "All this time, I wondered what was wrong with you.

"I couldn't put a finger on it. Every time I see you, it's almost like I see someone else, not the Kim Jennie I know." He clutches his wine glass, twirling the red liquid around as he looked at it amusingly. "To put it simply, I don't even understand you anymore."

I look at him across the table, his eyes still trained on the wine glass. "Jongin, I didn't want to hurt you... but this is for the best."

"You don't even have the right to tell me what's best for me anymore," he says, poison dripping from his words. He downs the wine in one go, and licks his lips. "Not when you just completely fucked it up between us."

"It's just that, I'm not ready for this yet... and we're idols, and we're so young for marriage, Jongin," I try to explain, hoping that it'll ease his anger and maybe try to leave things on an okay note.

"Are you..." his voice is raised, but he pauses, swallowing hard. When he speaks up again, it's lower, but I know he's mad. "Are you sure that's the only reason? You're not lying to me?"

My hands go cold and I avoid his eyes. He knows.

"Why... why would I be lying to you?" I ask, clenching my jaw. I mustn't let it show on my face. I'm terrified as shit but I can't let it be known. "I have my reasons, and I'm so sorry."

I can still feel his intense gaze on me but I try not to mind it. If I look at him now, I might break down. I'm aware that I should do this at his pace. If I rush him, it might just make things worse.