Chilly

14. Rediscovered Myself, Took Back My Heart

Jennie's P.O.V.

I bury my head in my pillow as I recall last night's events. Why is it when things almost go right I find a way to mess it up? God, I really am starting to hate myself.

My head feels like it's being drilled, so it's not the best way to start the day. I sit up groggily, feeling the warm sunlight hit my skin. Another 24 fucking hours. My mouth is dry, and my arms are so stiff. I really shouldn't have drank so much.

I've heard a couple of knocks on my door a while ago, but I don't answer. I'm terrified of what's going to happen if I step out of this room.

Lisa. How is she, anyway? I wonder if she's finally tired of me. After all, it's always push and pull with me. But I would be lying if I said that her words didn't sting me.

You're a big reason why my life is this shitty!

I've blamed myself for so long because of you.

You never made me feel like I'm good enough.

My heart aches whenever I think about it. I've really ruined her. She isn't like this at all. And I can't even blame her for that. Last night, that wasn't the sweet, loving and caring Lisa I knew. Last night I finally saw what I had done to her. I've hurt her to the point where she doesn't even filter her words, or is careful of what she says. I did this to her.

This is so messed up. I want to fix everything, but I don't know where to start. Does Lisa even want to speak to me?

I want to talk to one of my members, but what would they say? Are they pissed at me too? There's a lot of question floating around in my mind right now, and I can barely answer them.

I almost don't hear the sound of my phone ringing. I sluggishly pick it up, and answer it without looking at the ID.

"Hello?" I say weakly.

"Hey, princess. Are you in your hotel right now?"

I swallow hard. I momentarily forgot that I had a boyfriend. "Yeah," I mutter. "It's a rest day today."

"That's good. Could you come out of your room?"

I raise my eyebrow. "Why?"

"Just do it, please?"

Without saying anything else, I approach the door cautiously, walking slowly as if my body was filled with lead. I open the door. The sight in front of me makes me stiff.

He's here.

Why is he here?

Jongin is holding a bouquet of flowers, smiling from ear to ear. His mood greatly contrasts mine. I can literally feel happiness ooze out of him.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I almost can't believe that my boyfriend is physically right in front of me, within reach and tangible.

"You're here."

"Hi, babe." He awkwardly hands the flowers to me, and runs a hand through his hair. "I really, really wanted to see you. After our little fight, I couldn't help but want to apologize in person."

"Jongin..." He came all the way to Thailand just to do this? I suddenly feel conscious in my sweatpants and tight fitted shirt. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've prepared something... I look like shit right now-"

He shakes his head and smiles gently. "It's okay, I wanted to surprise you." I clutch the flowers tightly. He shouldn't be here. I still haven't decided what to do. "I had to force my manager to allow me to come here."