Grown Woman (Sequel to "Be Without You") [Completed]

22

A/N: I really wanted to wait until tomorrow to post this update but I've been on such a roll with this story I couldn't stop 😂 please vote and comment 💕

Beyoncé's POV 1 month later

I lied awake next to Shawn, who was fast asleep, as usual. It's been one hour since I last had to get up to feed Maia but I couldn't fall back to sleep because I knew she'd be up again shortly. I could never sleep anymore. If it wasn't Maia crying, it was Giselle, and if both of them were asleep, then I still lied awake...not being able to fall asleep if I tried.

If one of them cried, I got up. And if too much time passed with neither of them crying, then I worried that something was wrong and went to check on them anyway, just to make sure they were still breathing.

I was never this anxious with Skai or the twins, but something was different this time around. More accurately, everything was different this time around.

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the anxious thoughts, but they immediately opened up when I heard crying.

"I got her," Shawn said waking up.

I rolled my eyes, "You don't have breasts, Shawn." I wanted to thank him for offering, I didn't wanna take that sarcastic, harsh tone with him all of the time, but I had no patience for anything or anyone anymore. Lack of sleep will do that to a person.

I pulled the covers off of me and walked to the room that Giselle and Maia shared to see Skai sitting in the rocking chair holding a crying Giselle.

"Sorry, it was Giselle this time."

Like clockwork, Maia woke up and started to cry. "And now its Maia," I said.

"I'm sorry," Skai said, but I just ignored her and I reached down into Maia's crib and picked her up.

I tried to feed her but she refused to latch on and just continued screaming and crying, "Baby please, mommy is trying so hard," I pleaded with her.

I looked up and saw Skai feeding Giselle peacefully and quietly and I started to cry.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

"My baby hates me," I cried.

"She doesn't hate you."

"I think I'm just tired...and frustrated," I said as I wiped my tears. Maia finally latched on and started eating and I silently thanked God.

Giselle fell asleep and Skai placed her back in her crib.

"Your baby doesn't hate you. And if she does, then she has bad taste because you're the best mom in the world," Skai said as she walked out of the room.

I smiled, "Thank you baby." That makes one person who thinks I'm a good mom, I thought.

Maia finished eating but instead of peacefully falling asleep like Giselle, she continued to scream and cry. I took her out of the room so she wouldn't wake Giselle and walked down to the living room.

I walked in circles with her, bouncing her up and down, trying to calm her down, "Please stop crying, baby," I said through my own tears. I never had such difficulty calming one of my babies down. For the other three, of course they cried, but it felt like they knew I was their mother. They knew they were safe with me and sometimes I was the only one who could calm them down. But with Maia, of course I love her....but sometimes I hold her and I just feel....disconnected, and I can't help but think she must feel the same way. As horrible as it is, and I'd never admit this to anyone, the thought that lingers in the back of my mind is that maybe having her was a mistake.