Grown Woman (Sequel to "Be Without You") [Completed]

24

Beyoncé's POV
"Mommy, I want pizza tonight," Malcolm said as we walked in the house. I had just picked them up from preschool, which was half a day, so it was only 12 but he was already talking about dinner.

"Fine," I answered, I sure as hell didn't feel like cooking tonight anyway so that was fine by me. "What do y'all want for lunch now though?"

"Chicken nuggets," Marisa answered.

"Mac and cheese," Malcolm answered.

"Okay," I nodded, "Go play I'll call you when it's ready."

They both ran off and I looked down to Maia who was strapped to my chest, finally sleeping. We had another rough morning, she was crying, I was crying, every time she'd fall asleep, she'd wake up as soon as I put her down and we'd be back to square one. Part of me wanting nothing more than to just leave her in her crib, put headphones in, and tune out the screaming for a little bit, but the other part knew that the guilt would eat away at me so I had no choice but to just hold her in my arms as she cried, while I cried myself.

This all happened after I was up all night because she needed to be fed every three hours, and my anxiety about her stopping breathing in her sleep was at an all time high, so I just sat and watched her sleep.

It was like when she was awake, I'd give anything for her to be asleep, and when she was asleep, I was worried that she'd never wake up.

It was even worse since Skai moved out. Yes, the house is slightly more quiet without Giselle, but I miss them so much and it made me feel less isolated to have another mom of a newborn with me. But now she's gone and I'm alone, at least it feels that way.

I stuck the frozen chicken nuggets in the toaster oven for Marisa and put the water on the stove to boil the Mac and cheese for Malcolm.

After getting everything ready for them, I figured I should probably have something to eat since I hadn't eaten all day, but I didn't really feel like eating anything so I settled on a piece of toast. I knew I needed to eat, my weight is already down to below what it was when I got pregnant, it was a miracle that I was still able to produce breast milk somehow. But the point is, every time I try to eat I just feel nauseous, so a piece of toast is as good as it's gonna get right now.

I set the twins food on the table and decided to just go find them to tell them that it was ready instead of calling them and walking Maia up.

As I walked down the hallway I suddenly heard a loud crashing sound, immediately causing Maia to wake up screaming.

I ran, following the sound of the noise, to make sure that everyone was okay. When I walked into the living room, I saw the twins standing there with worried looks on their faces. I looked across the room and a glass picture frame holding the picture of Shawn and I at our wedding was on the ground, broken into a million pieces.

I immediately felt my blood boiling, and Maia's screams didn't help.

"One of you better explain to me how this happened, NOW."

"I sorry mommy," Marisa cried. "We we're having a pillow fight and we hit the picture and it felled down."

"Stop your damn crying, Marisa, both of you go eat your lunch and I'll come up with a punishment for you two later."

I took Maia out of the baby-wearer that I had on and held her in my arms, I stepped over the broken class and picked up the picture of Shawn and I. I looked at the woman in the picture and started crying because I was so different now, and I didn't know if I'd ever go back. I wouldn't be surprised if Shawn left me soon and took the kids. I honestly deserved it for how I've been acting, but maybe that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.