Gwen's P.O.V.
My eyes, heavy, reluctantly open allowing the dim light of the room to flood my vision. Painfully, I cower deeper into my stiff hospital bed using my hand to protect myself from the seemingly bright light. Noticing my discomfort, whom ever is seated next to me quickly readjusts the light and hurriedly comes back to my bedside, clasping their hand around mine once again.
"Gwen..?" A familiar voice questions softly, rubbing small circles on my hand. Slowly, I peel my eyes open again except this time I'm greeted by Jennifer's pooling green orbs. Her eyes looking at my with some much caution, like she was afraid I'd break. And I hated it. I didn't want her sympathy. I didn't want her to think that I needed help because I didn't. I didn't want any of it.
Looking away from the green eyes girl, I found the nearest nurse, asking her to make everyone leave. Some doctors, along with Jen, protest but she doesn't waver. Jennifer's sorrow filled eyes are the last thing I see before the glass door slides shut, leaving everything behind it a blurred mess. Sighing heavily, the nurse walks away from the door and back over to my monitor, checking to see that everything checks out.
With her back to me, she says, "You know, that girl was here the entire time you were unconscious. Held your hand everyday; spoke to you just to keep you company; wished you goodnight." She finally turned to me, eyes tired, "Now I know it's none of my business but if it were me in this hospital bed, I'd let her back in and thank her till my lungs give out. But that's just me."
In my mind, I wanted to let Jen back in and hug her for eternity because she was the only one that cared but I didn't. I couldn't let myself depend on anyone while I was in this state because then I'd always depend on them, making me weaker in the long run. I needed to face my past on my own because in all reality, she wouldn't understand. She'd judge me, question me; her whole outlook on me would change if it hadn't already. With a fucked up past like mine she'd leave me, knowing that she didn't need such a mess in her life. I just couldn't let her know. She'd hate me, so the best thing I could do was leave her in the dark, like I did everyone else.
Finally realizing that the nurse was still there, looking at me with sorrow, I answer.
"I'd rather not." My tone, emotionless, seems to have thrown her off but she quickly recovers and with a nod of her head, she silently leaves the room.***
Four hours later Samantha came by with Luke and Quinn who both attacked me in a hug. My emotionless mask breaking a little from their joy filled cries.
"Don't leave me again, okay Gwen?" Quinn asks, her face buried into my chest, as my heart breaks a little, pain searing every inch of it.
"Okay. I promise."
Standing awkwardly by the door, Samantha clears her throat, gaining all our attention.
"Let's get going, my husband will be home soon and I miss him."
Nodding curtly, I ask them to leave my room so that I could get dressed. Samantha places down my bag of clothing before exiting my room after Quinn and Luke. Once she's gone, anger surges through me, pricking my eyes with tears. She doesn't even care. I'm here in the fucking hospital and not once did she ask how I was or mention anything about Kyle. Darkly chuckling, I shake my head, knowing that she never cared about me. No one ever did. Tugging on the sweat pants and t-shirt she brought me, I erase my face of any anger and pain and put my mask back on; not wanting to deal with anyone.
Sliding the door open, I grab the duffel bag off the ground, leaving the memories of Kyle behind me. To my surprise, the lobby is filled with familiar faces but I refuse to meet any of their stares. Brushing through them, I'm stopped by a gentle tug on my wrist. Turning around, I finally meet Jennifer's concerned face with a blank one. Her eyes waver a bit from my indifference and her eyes soften but she doesn't say anything. She just stares. I feel like thousand pounds weights are being dropped upon me, begging that I break and before it becomes too much, I turn away. The people around us, silently watch as I reject her care and their faces morph from concern to anger, rage even. The first person emerging from the crowd is Lauren, face beet red but before she can attack me, Jen stops her. Her angry stance softens but the cold glare, aimed at my skull, does not.
I just shrug, walking towards the entrance of the hospital. It hurt to do, but I had to distance myself from everyone. It helps me. They wouldn't understand and I don't blame them if they end up hating me. I'm no good for anyone. Keeping my head down, in pure shame, I leave the hospital and slide into Samantha's SUV, without a word.
YOU ARE READING
A New World (Lesbian Story)
RomantizmAfter a mind-crippling traumatic experience, Gwendolyn has to find a way to forge on, forgetting her painful past in order to start anew. Can she do herself out of the hellish life she was left to live or will it haunt her forever?