The Places You Go In Your Mind

Drunk

My father gave me my name

I wore it proudly as a badge

29 years later, I took it away from him

and threw it in the trash

I drink, I drink, I'm drunk

For years now, I have been a dangling thread

swinging like a pendulum over a chasm of emptiness,

and just when I thought I was being retrieved,

scissors neatly cut me free

I drink, I drink, I'm drunk

Hands and belly and heart are empty

I have nothing and no one to tether me

I was never afraid of heights,

but I was always afraid of falling

because all falls end

I drink, I drink, I'm drunk

The liquor is a fiery friend

that pools in the hollow of my gut

It unplugs my mind for a while

I drink, I drink, I'm drunk

I drink, I drink, I'm drunk

I drink, I drink, I throw up, I cry

I wake up drunk and pass out on the bathroom floor

I drink, I drink, I drink, I drink,

chasing a fleeting feeling

I'm drunk, I'm drunk, I'm drunk, I'm drunk,

to push back the ideation

that creeps in when my mind is still

Disconnect your chargers from my battery,

I can't keep giving myself away

The returns have diminished and disappeared

I drink, I drink, I'm drunk

Drunk on broken promises and forgotten hopes

Wishing that I won't wake up,

but praying that I get one more tomorrow

I'm drunk and I don't want to be

but I can't stop drinking,

drowning the pain of existence in a lake of liquid courage

Too drunk to hold a knife,

too sober to cut if I could

It's just an endless cycle

Drink, drunk, drink, drunk

Hope, despair, hope, despair

Let something happen

Please

I can't stay drunk forever