Not So Fine | Yoonmin

Chapter 10

Jimin POV

"I want to know why, Yoongi." I question probably a little bolder than necessary. It hurts my heart to watch as he flinches, not understanding why.

"Why what, Jiminie? What exactly do you not know the reasoning behind?" Yoongi responds, words slurred just the tiniest bit. He doesn't look up at me, not for a single second, but it doesn't hide the tears falling as he continues staring at the floor.

"I want to know why you did what you did. I want to know why you caused all of this. I want to know why it happened, what made you do this. I want to know the truth, Yoongi." I counter, quickly growing frustrated by all of this. His gaze slowly lifts from the floor, a sorrowful look in his eyes.

"What good is it to tell you the truth if you've already got your mind made up about me and the entire situation, Jiminie? Together or not, there are still parts of you that'll never change. You're still worked up and upset and frustrated, and you still believe that I'm the one who sent those things out." Yoongi answers, his voice as full of pain as his eyes are.

It surprises me and scares me all at once. Yoongi has never been the most vocal or obvious with his feelings. He's always kept them to himself, especially if he wasn't in a good mood. He'd hide it until it broke him, and even then he'd deny it.

Yet, now... Now he's letting them show through like the morning sun. He's letting me see them in ways I've never been able to.

And I don't know how to feel about it or take it.

"I-I'm sorry. I just want answers, Yoongi. I want the truth. I never wanted to believe it would be you. I never wanted to believe that you would do something like this to be. All of the evidence pointed to you though, Yoongi. You have to understand, please. I'm sorry, but I want answers. I want to know the truth." I tell him, tone quite a bit gentler this time. He shakes his head at me though, and I'm worried for how this conversation is going to go.

"Why, Jiminie? Why should I understand your side of it and listen when you never returned the favor? I won't deny that I understand that everything and everyone points to me, but you never heard my side of things out. Never considered how I was feeling throughout the duration of it all. You sat on the sidelines and watched as everyone roasted me alive, while everyone blamed me and wanted to burn me at the stake for what everyone believes I've done. You never stopped to consider my side, Jiminie. Why should I consider yours?" Yoongi returns in the most gentle of tone, shattering my heart in ways I've never felt before.

If I thought my heart broke the night everyone claimed he leaked the video of us having sex together, then I don't even know how to begin describing the pain coursing through my chest.

Is this the pain he felt that night? Is this just how bad he was hurting?

"Look, Jiminie. It hurts that you took their side without even considering how I might've felt or considering my side of the story. It hurts a lot. It doesn't mean that I don't understand your side though, and I'm not going to withhold my side of everything that's happened if that's what you want." Yoongi breathes out after a few minutes of silence. I watch as he downs a bit more of the soju, my heart breaking solely off of watching him drink.

Never in the five years I've known him, did I ever once see him have so much as a sip of alcohol of any kind. Yet, here he is now, downing soju like it's fucking water.

"I don't know who got that video, Jiminie. I know to you it makes sense more than to anyone else that it would be me since I've told you before that I'd been interested in us recording ourselves. I would never break your trust or sense of privacy like that though. I never recorded us. I don't know who recorded us, or what they have against me or us to have done such a thing. I don't know who it was that told media sources that it was me. I never did this. Nor did I give out those photos of you earlier. I know it looks like an angle that only I would've had, which makes it all the more disturbing that someone else was able to get such a view of you, but I never took those pictures and that's something that you especially should know." Yoongi says softly in somewhat of a weak tone.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to tell you to make you believe me, Jiminie. I was watching you perform, I wanted to be there with you so badly that night. I couldn't take my eyes off the tv screen in the dressing room as soon as you stepped on stage. I had no idea anything had happened until Joon called and demanded that I look at Twitter. I... I didn't know what to do when I saw the video of us up with everyone claiming it'd been me that released it. I regretted not being there with you that night once I saw it. I-I wanted to at least be the one to tell you that something happened. I was so scared, Jiminie. All I could do was pace in that damned dressing room trying to get ahold of you as soon as you stepped off stage and hoping with everything in me that I wasn't going to lose you. Jiminie, I was going to come home that night to surprise you rather than coming back the next day. I hadn't been able to wait to see you and... I was going to propose that night when I got there to you. I didn't know what I was going to do with myself when you finally blocked my number and shut me out for good. You can ask Joon to confirm everything if you have to, but, Jiminie, that's the truth. And I was too damn busy drinking before the interview to have posted anything. Hell, it's hard just looking at your photos anymore."