Not So Fine | Yoonmin

Chapter 11

Yoongi POV

Laying it all out on the table for him, all I can do is sit and wait nervously for some sort of response. I can feel the tears running down my cheeks and beginning to cause my eyes to feel sore, but I don't bother hiding it. I just down a bit more soju, waiting and watching as everything I've said slowly begins to process in his head.

Even if he's still hurting and looks disheveled and exhausted, he's still the most beautiful man I ever met. The orange dye in his hair is slowly fading out, hair messy from probably how many times he's run a hand through it, and it's clear as day in his eyes just how tired he is. It breaks my heart to see him this way, but at least I get to see him at all I guess.

"H-how do you expect me to believe you were going to propose that night, Yoongi? All of that might've made sense up until that part where it's obvious that you're lying now." Jimin questions, sounding almost desperate to find something to peg me down as the culprit still.

I sigh at this, reaching behind me to pull open the top drawer of my desk before slipping my hand inside. Wordlessly, my hand fumbles through the few things in the drawer until it lands on the small velvety box, grasping it and pulling it out. I don't even look at the item, simply grabbing it before tossing the box in Jimin's direction. His eyes widen as he catches it, seeing that it is in fact a ring box.

"Y-Yoongi..." Jimin breathes out nervously.

"It's not really gonna do me any good anymore since I won't be able to use it. You might as well have it, I wouldn't want anyone else to have it even if I know you'll never wear it. It was our three year anniversary, Jiminie. I couldn't stand being away from you for the entire day so I wanted to come back early, but I knew I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life - still do quite frankly - and decided it'd be the perfect night for exactly that. Guess I was a lot more wrong than what I ever would've imagined." I respond quietly, pain flooding my entire body.

It seems to be the younger's breaking point as tears begin flooding his cheeks. There's the desperate urge building up inside of me to reach out and wipe his tears away, to kiss him softly enough to calm him down, and it kills me to have to sit here and not be able to do anything about it. To not be able to do exactly that because it's not my place to anymore.

So, instead I reach for the bottle of soju once more and take a few more gulps of the harsh alcohol, still ignoring the tears that have been drenching my own cheeks.

"I-If you really loved me that much, then why didn't you fight for me?" Jimin nearly exclaims, heartbreak and frustration filling his beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

I smile bitterly at the question.

"I may not know you that well anymore, Jiminie, but I know you enough. Did back then too. If I would've shown up at our doorstep that night, it only would've made things worse. You were upset and pissed and hurt and confused, Jiminie. The last thing you needed was me coming home and trying to convince you that I hadn't done it. You would've exploded on me, shoving me away and telling me to get lost. I knew better than to go home and risk hurting you more than what you were already feeling that night, Jiminie. I decided to wait for you. I-I was hoping and waiting for you to unblock my number, waiting for you to text or call and tell me you were ready to talk it out. I waited an entire month before I finally got the message and realized you weren't coming back." I explain, my voice trailing off to a mere whisper by the end.

I can't get myself to look back up at the boy sitting in the room with me that I love so much still, and I find myself downing more of the soju in hopes of easing all of the pain.

"It really wasn't you, was it?" Jimin whispers after a few minutes of us being engulfed in silence. This drags my attention back up to him, looking up at the boy that's no longer mine.

"Jiminie, I was going to propose that night. I wanted, and still do want, to marry you. If you really knew me, how the hell would I ever be able to do that to someone I love? I gave you the space I knew you needed that night, risking that I wouldn't see you again, knowing I would be terrified to set foot on a plane afterwards. I don't know what more to tell you to make you believe that I'm telling you the truth when I say I never did that. I don't even have photos or videos of you like that on my phone." I respond, feeling defeated in more ways than one.

"Y-Yoongi, c-can we start over? C-can we talk this out and fix us?"