Not So Fine | Yoonmin

Chapter 17

Yoongi POV

Taking a sip from the bottle of soju that's sat next to me on my desk, I decide to take a short break of trying to write out anything more and instead just look over what all I've got. Needless to say, everything I've written is about Jiminie in some sense or another, his visit from a couple of weeks ago not much of any help in changing that. I don't mind too much though, knowing that this is probably the closest I'll ever get to be to him anymore.

Pursing my lips, I read over the mostly finished song. When I finish looking it over, worry begins to fill me as I take a few more sips from the harsh liquor. I've already recorded the other songs for this first album, and once I've gotten this one finished and recorded I'll have the album complete to release. It'll be the hardest song to record yet, but I know I need to do this and I know this song belongs on the album.

Taking a deep breath and sighing, I pick my pen up once more before getting back to writing the last of this song. Just like always, I easily get engulfed into my work, losing track of time as the words flow far too easily through my hand and onto the page. I can feel the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes as I finally get the last words written down, feeling the heartbreak all over again as though it were brand new. Though, before any of the tears can fall, there's a knock at my door before I hear it being gently pushed open. I take a shaky breath in attempt to calm myself down, letting my eyes fall shut momentarily before turning around to look at the person who's entered the room.

"How're you holding up, hyung?" Namjoon asks softly as he takes a seat on my black couch. My lips involuntarily pout at the question, feeling the tears press harder in attempt to free themselves.

"It was hard enough before. I never thought it'd be harder after getting to see him one last time." I whisper, my voice gruff from my throat tightening up. He gives me a sympathetic smile, nodding his head.

"How's the album?" He asks instead, trying to move the subject a bit in a different direction. I run a hand through my hair as I look up towards the ceiling in attempt to keep the tears at bay.

"Nearly finished. I have to record this last song, and it'll be good to be released tomorrow." I answer, voice barely audible this time.

"Have you thought about going to the doctors, hyung? See where everything's at and how you're doing?" Joon questions gently, knowing this is all sensitive topics for me. Though, these days, what isn't a sensitive topic for me? Everything always revolves around Jiminie in some way or another.

"No. I haven't thought about it, nor do I care to." I respond, tone a little firmer this time. He just nods though, not fighting me on this. I appreciate him not pushing me on these things, letting me be and do as I want anymore. It's just nice not to have pressure on every forefront of my entire life, even if it's minimal amounts.

"Have you considered reaching out to Jimin lately?" Joon asks softly after a few minutes of silence between the two of us. I give him a small glare at this.

"No, I'm not doing that. Everything got settled when he came here a few weeks ago, and I don't expect that to change. I told him we couldn't be together, he left the ring, there's nothing more to it or us. Nothing more is going to happen between us, Joon. I told you, he deserves a hell of a lot better than what I can give him." I argue coldly before grabbing the bottle off my desk and taking a couple swigs from it. He sighs at this but doesn't say anything further to it, effectively allowing us to drop the subject.

"Sometimes I think you're a little too stubborn for your own good, Yoongi. Congrats on getting the album nearly finished. Let me know when you're planning to release it so that I can at least be there for you." He mutters quietly before standing and leaving me alone once more. I don't even bother trying to stop him or respond, drowning in far too much pain to be able to do such things.