Last July

Chapter four

Desperation:// a strong feeling of sadness, fear and loss of hope.

The bitter aroma of coffee permeated my nostrils as I poured the dark liquid into the cup before me and smiling at my customer walked away to take another order. It was a slow Wednesday and the time crawled as if its hands were frozen. The street walks were sparsely lit with people bustling about and I just knew that by the time my shift was over I'd be an old woman.

My mind shifted to the door as a guy wearing a blue plaid shirt and black pants walked in with wild brown hair. My eyes lit up in hopes thinking it was Maverick but then the excitement wore away as he walked closer, heading to an empty table and the realization settled that he was out of town. I sighed going back to the counter. I wasn't supposed to be upset and sad about him having to leave, but right now just wasn't the moment for it. How was I supposed to break news like this to Jesse exactly? How am I supposed to tell a little girl that her daddy had left to keep her healthy? I had attempted to avoid her questions over the last few days and I could tell from her constant stares that she was beginning to figure it out. I knew he wasn't really gone, but right now I felt like he abandoned us when we needed him most.

My shift ended at eight and I went straight to the hospital. I slept through my train ride. Exhaustion was still gurgling through my veins and every movement I made was stiffer than the last. My body was ceasing up like an old rusty cartwheel. I was running out of my lubricant sleep and I was paying dearly for it.

"Kenzy!"

Jesse's enthusiastic voice met my ears as I closed the door stepping into her room.

"Hey Jess!" I said trying to make my voice as cheerful as I heard hers. It came out in only a note higher than a whisper. "How was your day today?"

She pulled her bear closer to her heart and looked up at me almost teary eyed and I felt like I was going to fall apart.

"Please don't cry" I whispered to myself.

Before my eyes I watched as her forlorn expression turn into the brightest stars. Jesse smiled mischeviously at me and I thanked the heavens she had the wherewithal to play.

"A little girl came to see me today from next door" She explained playing with her toy. "She left a few minutes ago. Her parents came to get her"

"Oh that's great. I'm glad you're making friends"

She nodded and stared down at the toy again. "When am I going to get to go home? I'm tired of staying in bed and I miss my friends"

"Soon" I placed a knowing hand on her head and pulled her closer to me. "You'll get to come home soon jess"

"Where is daddy?" Her black orbs raised locking with mine daring me to lie.

I sighed. No use avoiding the question now Kenzy. I stayed silent for a while wondering the best way to go about this conversation. I couldn't lie; I couldn't say that we should talk about other things. I was holding her in my hands against my body like a mother would, because in many ways, Jess felt in every way as if she was mine. And when she opened up to me I promised myself that I would always be honest with her knowing that she was already cheated by her own mother.

I slid from the bed and pulled the chair near as she sat up swinging her small feet around to face me, dangling them over the bed's edge, her short curly hair was left to be wild as her father's hair was and her small gown fell to her knees. Jesse's little black eyes peered up at me listening attentively for what I was about to say. Heaven help me!

I smiled feeling my nerves tingling and I dug my feet into the carpet. Get it together Kendall, we're talking to an eight year old not the president of America.

"So you know how dad always has this work thing?"

She blinked. "Dad's gone?"

I bit my lip. She's so damn smart. Deep breaths, let's back track a bit.

"Not exactly. He's out of town for another few days" her eyes filled with tears and I felt my heart break. "He'll be back soon Jess"

The river over flowed the banks and she hugged her bear crying quietly as she often did when she didn't want to be a bother. Jesse loved her dad, so whenever he had to leave they'll almost always have a fight. Jesse would always want to leave as well packing her small suitcase with all the things she loved and wait by the door for him. But as fate would have it kids can't go on work trips with their parents so she was always stuck at home with a sitter. It wasn't until I met Maverick that he didn't have that problem but here it was- again.

"Daddy left because I'm always getting sick" she said sniffling. "I promised him I wouldn't get sick anymore so he wouldn't have to go away. He hates me"

I got up and hugged her trembling figure. "No, no Jesse" I said adamantly. "Daddy doesn't hate you. Never, dad love's Jesse more than she'll ever know".

She looked up trying to find comfort in my words.

"So why does he leave then if he doesn't hate me. He's hardly here when I'm sick"

Besides the whole thing about bad luck? There are several reasons to that answer, the main one: Were adults. We don't get to choose when things happen and we don't always have the means or time to deal with things as they come. Some people handle them well, others don't and some just have more on their plates than others. The truth about life is, were slaves to whatever snowballs if feels like hitting us with that day. Some days were monsters in people eyes, others, were saviors.

"Dad has work honey and he wants to ensure that you're warm and happy all the time"

"I don't care about that" she mumbled. "Daddy doesn't have to go to work. He can stay home and I'll share my snacks with him"

I chuckled. The innocence of a child, if only life was that simple.

"Yeah" I said tickling her and she let out a shrill of laughter trying to get away from me. "Who takes care of both of you then?"

She giggled as I continued to tickle her sides and arms and as she rested against the bed I kissed her forehead.

"You'll take care of us right Kenzy? I know you love daddy" her eyes were bright as she said the words staring up at me hopeful. There was no way I could ever break her heart seeing her like this. But I didn't have to because they, both this beautiful little girl and her dad meant the world to me.

"Of course jess. I'll take care of both of you"

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Author's notes: so if you've noticed, normally kenzy starts out with a definition of something. It's just like the writer part of her that explains how she feels at some point in the story, there's none for andrew, well cause he's just rather care free- normal guy.....ha ha! Hope you enjoy the story and don't hesitate to comment about anything