Last July

Chapter thirty two

Confusion:// a state or situation in which many things are happening in a way that is not controlled or orderly

I sat up by my window at three thirty in the morning staring out into the grey green grass. I couldn't sleep. My gut kept twisting at the thought of andrew. Or rather the thought of him being sick. The door was locked yesterday so I couldn't see him so I waited outside. The suspense of it all was backbreaking and I felt as if I was in a hospital waiting room, waiting silently for a progress report. I got up feeling useless being there like that and went to the pharmacy got a few pain killer then went to the grocery. I hadn't thought of whether or not he'd be happy about receiving it all, I just didn't want to feel helpless- again.

His innuendos however were getting deeply appalling. Even in sickness he was still stubborn, I let out a frustrated breath.

"Idiot" I mumbled to myself. "Disappearing like that without notice" and then I smiled.
I'm the idiot I guess. 

I haven't done any writing in days now and I didn't feel guilty about it. It's actually the first time I ever felt like being on a vacation, far away from everything, from everyone. I haven't taken a vacation in three years now that I've thought about it. Maverick and Jesse and my work overran my life everyday. When it wasn't Peter hounding me down, its having to take care of Jesse, when it's not Jesse it's being physically there for maverick. I took a deep breath, getting a break from it all might have been exactly what the doctor ordered. Speaking of doctor, where the hell is Phillisa?

I moved down the corridor to her door and discreetly twisted the lock. My best friend laid twisted in the sheets covered in silver light. I smiled before taking a rest beside her, parting her head. My elusive bestfriend. I didn't know when she got in but she seemed to be making better use of her vacation time than I was being out everyday. I leaned into her sleeping frame feeling loneliness descend suddenly.

"Hey kenzy!"

Brian's voice caught me off guard as I snuck into the office. Great, no need to hide again. I straightened and gave him a wide smile. I hadn't seen Andrew anywhere and thought he'd gone to the office to hide again.

"He's not here today"

" Who? " I asked trying to seem clueless about what he spoke about.

He raised a questioning eyebrow. "Andrew" he replied. "He's not here, he left to see his girlfriend"

My body went rigid for a moment. Girlfriend? Crap! I'd forgotten about her.

"Oh, that's a welcomed change" I responded. I bit into my lower lip trying to seem genuinely happy about the turn of events. I felt a slight headache thinking about it.

"You know about her?"

" Yeah" somewhat, He doesn't talk about her that much but yeah I know there's someone. I explained. "They don't live together?"

"Uh" Brian scratched his head closing his eyes a moment as if thinking. "How can I explain this now?" he scratched his chin and I smiled abit. "She's studying in town so, you know she's not really here per say"

I nodded understanding. From what I've seen there weren't any colleges around either except the high schools so that meant people left quite often to pursue their dreams.

"I'm surprised you know about her though"

"Why is that? It's not odd to talk about the person you love"

He shrugged. "Yeah but if you've noticed Andy isn't really a talker. He fixes your car you leave, if he entertains a conversation he really just wants you to shut up"

I grimaced and Brian started to laugh hysterically which led to my laughter as well. I admit Andrew isn't an easy cup of tea, he's almost the insipid types that seem bitter when they should be sweet. Only he's bitter by choice but then there's an almost caring side him that creates a paradox. I just think he needs help. Bottom line.

"But surprisingly he does enjoy your company"

I started to laugh. "Enjoy my company? Uh no. He insults me like everyone else probably doesn't tell me to shut up but I'm sure that's in the works"

"Na. He likes your company. He insults everyone yes, but the persons he likes their the ones he's mostly annoyed with"

"Does that even make sense?" I asked laughing . "That's crazy"

"Trust me. How the hell you think things are with us? I'm probably the biggest annoyance of all"

Really? But....ugh!! This is complete bullshit! I can't sort through this crap! None of that makes sense. Stupid andrew! I started walking back to the exit leaving Brian to work. It felt evil of me but I didn't want us to fall back into talking about his girlfriend. My gut twisted hearing about her and I knew deep down I felt slightly jealous and I hated myself for that. I shouldn't have these feeling but I do and there wasn't much I could do about it. I honestly just hoped they were fine and she wouldn't hurt him because he felt different, just different than maverick had and that to me was a good sign.