Last July

Chapter Sixty three

Phoenix:// my immortal self
Invincible://incapable of being conquered, overcome, or subdued

I woke up, dazed, the cold concrete had invited the alps to visit during the night, it's silver touch sprawled across my back. I was freezing, yet still with all the emotions within me I didn't have the strength to move, instead wishing, hoping, praying I'd die here.

My body moved me involuntarily to an upright position, my hands trembling, while the rest of my body remained numb. I wasn't even sure of a heart beat anymore. Maybe I wasn't even human, maybe some creature of the night turned me, a welcomed change but that would be rather a unfortunate accident. A probability that would never befall me.

I walked out into the hall way, my body moving in zombie waves across the room, if I was me, I'd laugh at myself, now I lost the capacity to enjoy happiness. I glanced momentarily over the thrashed apartment. The ribbed apart banner, fallen streamers, necrotic balloons over the floor and that made me laugh. A laugh that rumbled from the pit of my stomach almost frightening in it's nature. It was low in tone but the pitch was high enough reverberating throughout the walls. And I laughed, laughed and continued to laugh until I fell against the wall crying again.

This isn't me

This isn't us Kendall

I sobbed, crumbling within my own hands.

You're stronger than this

Better than this

"I can't do this" I whispered aloud.

"Yes you can"

I sat up, pulling my knees away from my face, a woman smiled at me. Her eyes glowed with emotions, regret, relief, revenge, love. Her blond hair falling over her hand as she leaned over giving me a hand.

When did she get here?

"You're better than this" she said pulling me up. "You're better than this kenzy"

I swallowed, fighting the urge to be comforted. I couldn't allow myself to give in, to open up. I couldn't be vulnerable.

"I'm not in the mood for company"

She laughed. "More than I can say for this house"

"Leave" I said turning away, my need to be alone overwhelmingly more than thoughts of having my best friend comfort me.

"Absolutely not. If you want to hate me, be my best bet darling. I'm not leaving you to wallow in self pity and falling to some grievous asshole"

"You're on thin ground Phillisa. Tread lightly" I threatened.

She sat down folding her hands, staring me dead in the eyes. "I don't care"

"Why are you so damn stubborn?"

"Because I'm losing my best friend to her crazy ego and I'd be damned if I let that happen. You let him in didn't you!"

She was furious I could tell, even from the seemingly calm attitude she was displaying, I knew if he was here, she'd probably punch him in the face for what he did. For what I let him do.

"I'm not talking about this" I say burying my face in my palms against my knees. I just needed to be alone.

"He's going to ruin you"

Not anymore than he already has.

"You need to leave" I repeated, this time a little more adamantly than I had before, as I scrambled up, walking out on our conversation.