Last July

Chapter thirty eight

Denial://refusal to satisfy a request or desire

I  had cried for the last few hours returning from the hospital. I cried thinking of jesse, I cried thinking of maverick and I cried realising that I had nothing to show for my life. It was maybe stupid of me to still cry and maybe the trigger was really seeing Andrew like that. If Heather hadn't been there, I would've freaked out and he would've died. He would have died because of me. I met Nowell at the supermarket this afternoon. Engrossed in my shopping list I hadn't realized that someone had followed me into two isles and to make matters worse, I was oblivious to his presence being behind me. My body froze feeling a pat on the head; something only Andrew did. To say I panicked would be to lie. I had a complete meltdown in under five seconds. He wasn't supposed to be out, he was supposed to be resting but the idiot was stubborn and there was nothing we could tell him if he already made up his mind. Irritated, I turned to face him perturbed my his audacity to say hello. The expression I received sprayed my body with liquid nitrogen. Fixated I stared. He was smiling. I blinked running everything I knew through my registry against what I saw then and came up blank. My heart started to beat again recognising that there was indeed a smile and there was no way in hell it could be andrew. They were quite similar, very, actually being honest with myself but Nowell smiled and Andrew didn't.

"You're Andrew's girlfriend right?" He had asked getting me.

My eyes widened in shock. "Girlfriend?" I stuttered. " No I'm not, we're just friends. Honest. I'm not sure who she is"

He laughed heavily. "You're his girlfriend alright"

I felt my face change to tomato at his words. I'm not his girlfriend, couldn't be his girlfriend either.

"I'm not" I repeated more adamantly. "Who are you?"

"Nowell" he gave me a small wink. "His brother"

My spirit fell thinking of relaying the situation to him but then again he needed someone to keep him in check or worse, be there if anything should happen. Then I got pulled along to see him. If I hadn't realized how awfully he didn't want me at his home, I wouldn't forget it after today. I don't remember ever seeing someone so disturbed by anything in my life. And I thought being at the shop was bad. I knew he lied, telling me he was fine when he wasn't and I saw the effort it took to ask me to take a seat. We were two different people who didn't know or understand each other and though I'd like to know more it wasn't my place and I didn't have the time. However I felt about us was only in my head, the seemingly unharmful smiles or winks, our everyday chatter or antics. They were just tools for him to tolerate me and maybe at the interest of my heart it was best if I stayed away.

"How is he now?" Said Phillisa gazing at me head slightly shifted to the left studying me.

" Oh" I replied pulling myself from the memory of today. "He's fine"

"You really care about him don't you?" She asked again handing me another plate.

"What does it matter. It's just summer" I replied feeling drained at the prolong of this conversation.

"What does summer have to do with telling him how you feel kendall. Tell him you like him already"

"It doesn't matter"

"Kenzy"

"I said it doesn't matter Phillisa" I said getting frustrated with her persistent pestering of the situation. "My feelings doesn't matter and I don't know what your talking about"

She caught me by my hand as I abandoned the dishes to escape to my room. I didn't want to talk about it anymore and I hated how my stomach tightened at the thought of him. I didn't need this right now.