Last July

Chapter forty five

Connections:// a situation in which two or more things have the same cause, origin, goal

I woke up leaning next to Andrew staring at the rising sun. There were yellow and orange sparkles falling atop the sliver water. You could literally almost see the entire span of the lake from this high up and the view was breathtaking. I hadn't seen the sunrise in a long while and definitely not like this- not leaning against a guy. It carries a kind to serenading to it but then again, friends do this sometimes. He felt really warm, I shifted separating myself from him realising that he, likewise was awake watching the sun rise. It felt weird for us to be like this, worse together. I felt myself blush realising we were out the entire night. Despite the fact that I felt we got to know each other a little better, I didn't want him to fight with his girlfriend again. He got up poking at the remnants of the fire we had putting it out before he started out.

He walked on ahead, somewhat withdrawn. I didn't expect him to get upset about what maverick did last night, especially to go as far as calling him an asshole. I've never really seen him this mad before. Even if he was slightly calm about it. I walked on fiddling with my fingers. There was something I wanted him to know. I just couldn't tell him yet and maybe it wasn't even appropriate. Oh shit, whatever.

"Andrew!" My voice barely made it out above a whisper but he stopped in his tracks just the same turning to face me.

" Yes, ziploc"

I stopped getting annoyed with him calling me his stupid weird nickname. In fact I had thought up one specially suited for him.

"Ah, there's something I've been meaning to tell you"

"Okay"

I looked away feeling nervous and the butterflies in my stomach kept fluttering all over the place. My stomach growled and I was sure I turned every shade of red from embarrassment. Thanks stomach, thank you very much.

He raised a brow. "You wanted to tell me you were hungry?" He asked giving me an mocking smirk.

" No, no that's not it"

"You're not hungry then?"

"No" his brows furrowed. "Yes, I mean yes, I'm hungry but...."

Dammit! why does explaining myself have to be so frickin hard! " the thing is, I know maybe it's really not appropriate and now's not really a good time. "But" I looked down avoiding his eyes. "I like you a lot and maybe I'm not supposed to but I do. I'm not trying to get into your relationship and be a problem and it's okay if you don't feel the same way" I took a deep breath. "But I like you and I wanted you to know that"

His mouth clenched for a while staring at me, his face betraying no expression. After a while he turned away and started down the hill again.

"Okay ziploc"

I felt awful saying it. Maybe he hated that I didn't keep my feelings to myself, that he could more than do without the burden of carrying another person's feelings. But I wanted to be honest with myself and how I felt and I did mean it, if he doesn't feel the same way, I'd be disappointing but it was still okay. I knew there could be nothing between us and in ....ways I was okay with that. I bit my lip as we neared his truck, he stopped his back still turned to me.

"Confession" he said. My body tensed waiting for him to speak. I could tell he was silently contemplating what to say. Whatever it was, he was having a hard time adjusting too. "I feel the same way about you, but I just can't act on it right now"

I smiled, the knot finally releasing from my stomach and I started to breathe taking in deep breaths. I moved to hug him, feeling him tense before he returned the embrace. knowing him it was probably rather inappropriate to do that, he wasn't very expressive with his emotions but, he didn't know how good it felt hearing him say that. To know he didn't think of me as being a stalker of some sort. Maybe our friendship would work out afterall and maybe it actually meant something to him. I didn't think I'd ever see this side of Andrew ever, or ever thought there was anything besides his grimacing demeanor, but now I realised there was some humanity to him.