Last July

Chapter fifty

My day today, didn't start off like it normally did. I didn't wake up at three am in the morning, I didn't start my run at five, in fact I didn't even want to leave the bed. Everything was wrong. It wasn't the fact that I had a thousand nails pounding at my temples for the fact that the back of my neck held so much tension that if I even thought of touching it, I'd probably keel over dead. No, that wasn't it at all and the worst was yet to come. I craved, literally craved a drink, something out of the ordinary that from my freshman at college I'd vowed never to touch again. White rum. I needed something harsh, bitter, maybe a little more ecstatic than I was feeling at the moment. I needed something, anything that would take away the tearing feeling I felt inside suddenly.

I spent the better part of the night thinking, finally thinking of what really transpired between me and Gale. Accepting that she was really gone. I had taken her home, but even with leaving her there I still hadn't come to terms with it. Now the house was empty, even more so than it felt during the rest of the year. I didn't realize how much I had taken for granted the fact that her presence meant for this house. Now I hated it. I hated that she was gone and hated myself for feeling the loss. But I knew I loved her, I just couldn't stand the house now but unlike her I couldn't leave. This was whether I liked it or not my home, my own escape and now my own hell.

I gathered the last set of things that belonged to her, photos, mugs, dishes. One would say I'm exaggerating a little getting rid of utensils at well but right now the last thing I needed was a reminder of her. I ignored all the calls from Lockwood and lucy, between the both of them, I had ten calls each within an hour. I was fine, I would be fine. Even if I they didn't believe it. I'd be fine.

Finally when I thought the pressure of sitting in the empty house was crushing enough I grabbed my keys heading for the door. The gym would have been great but I decided against having to make conversation and Tino's was out of it. It was mid day and he'd have all the time in the world to grill me over the other night. I didn't want to go to the shop. The first time in years that working on cars held no appeal. I hated this feeling. When I opened the door, the little annoyance I hadn't seen in days appeared inviting himself into the truck. Great now I was being taken advantage of by a dog. I didn't even bother to reprimand it closing the door.

"You okay andrew?" Asked Brian peeking up from his work. " Didn't expect you to be in today"

"Between you and me, now isn't the time" I replied heading into the back ending our very brief conversation.

"Great to see you too boss"

I ignored his sarcasm.

If Brian hadn't gotten use to me by now, there was no getting use to. He meant well, but that wasn't my major concern at the moment. I needed a mixture of peace but no quiet, that probably wasn't even possible in theory but that's what I needed. We had a few exercise machines, a bicycle, tread mill and a few weights. The dog followed behind me obediently I noticed as I relinquished my shirt, draping it over the handle of the bike as I placed in my ear buds and grabbed the weights. I didn't need to think right now, my own thoughts were even becoming a nuisance.

After taking a shower, I fed the dog drying my hair as I surveyed the work we had left to do. I skipped the car and went straight for the Harley. I hadn't worked on one for a while, I stood trying to figure out what kind of freak accident could have occurred for them to have the wheel twisted like rolled up paper.

"Have you ever thought of working somewhere else? Kenzy asked smiling returning from the top of the shop.

Right Ziploc was here likwise. Unfortunately I wasn't in the mood to entertain her either.

" No, why? " I asked though I was gravely uninterested in her answer.

"Because of this?" I glanced up at her realising she held another envelope from Solar wing. They had gotten less frequent thankfully over the last few weeks. I returned to work hoping she'd go away. " how many of these do you have?"