Last July

Chapter thirty seven

Daughter, I replayed in the words in my mind. She lost a child? Dammit! I felt awful knowing I'd said what I had and now her eyes were burning with animosity as she gazed at me.

"Sorry kenzy. I honestly thought it was a dog because of the name"

Her lips curved into a small smile. Something I had become accustomed to seeing, something I enjoyed seeing her do actually.

"No, she was a little girl" she whispered sitting down again. She fell silent fiddling with her hands staring down at the floor. I was still trying to wrap my mind around her having a child. She was young but it wasn't unorthodox for women at her age to already have kids. My mother already had my brother and sister by her age too so it made sense in a slightly weird way. she didn't strike me as someone who already had a kid, for one she seemed much too free for someone that's a mother and she never talked about her and parents always talked about their kids- maybe not my dad but definitely my mother. Always.

"How old was she? Jesse"

"Eight" she smiled saying it. "She was our little girl" her fingers folded into a fist and she hunched over a little more on the chair.

Eight. I scratched my head. That was kinda young, still a kid, didn't even get to see the world yet. I watched kenzy for a while noting that her hands were trembling. She hasn't gotten over it yet, though most times things like that took years. But She didn't have years. She didn't seem like the type that handled stress well. She didn't talk about it either, maybe that was the other problem that seemed to plague her thoughts. Then again I wasn't very open with hearing her thoughts.

"What happened?" She had gotten too silent and while I hated being in this bed, I feared seeing her in it myself .

"She had pneumonia. It got into her blood stream and there was nothing they could do about it" she explained sitting up. Her voice had clearly up I realised to much relief. "We lost her two weeks before I came here"

Her relationship ended recently likewise. From what I remembered from my conversation with blondie, their relationship would have ended around the same time span. My insides felt crushed at the thought. Her asshole ex broke off their relationship after the kid died. Shit! What kind of twisted individual would do such a thing! I tore myself away from my thoughts as I felt her fingers entangle with mine and she gave me a little squeeze. She smiled at me slightly before looking away. I swallowed. Gazing at her I came to the conclusion I did when I knew even less of the situation than I did now. He didn't deserve her.

"Please don't worry about me. I'm fine" she said finally.

I'll believe that when you smile like you did this morning.

"Okay" she said standing up abruptly and pasting on a fake smile. "I'm going to make dinner and return how's that?" She laughed nervously and I knew she was only trying to avoid the awkwardness of the situation. "I'm not exactly fond of hospital food myself"

"Okay" I responded but I felt bad to see her leave. Somehow it felt like she was always the one running away from me and not the other way around. Whenever things got tense between us, she always walked away and I always let her. But right now was different, I didn't want her to go, but I could tell by the plastic smile she wore, staying here would do her no good and I'd be selfish of me to ask her otherwise. But I still didn't want her to go. Oddly I found myself slightly intrigued by the weird person she was I wanted to get to know her just a little bit more than what she allowed others to see- beyond the surface. The person who she really was. The more I thought about it, the more I realized if I'm not going crazy, I'm already mad or I was high on medication. I couldn't be falling for her, that'd be impossible, no unthinkable because I was in love with someone else. Shit! By the time I looked up again, she had completely disappeared. I didn't even hear when the door closed.