waves II jaeyong

seven

"so who is it?"

"u-uh w-what?"

my heart started beating and and i couldn't contain my red cheeks. i can't lie to him. i literally can't. he knows me too well and the moment i try, he's going to know. oh shit what did i get myself into.

he chuckled a little, looking down into his hands, "i mean who is your special someone?"

i stood in the same spot. i didn't move an inch due to my rapid thoughts trying to make up an entire lie.
"don't lie to me," he said softly.

i took a deep breath. what do i do? i can't say i like him, like "oh i've been in love with you for some years now and that's about it."

yup that isn't happening. i slowly walked to him and sat beside him on my bed. he stared into my eyes waiting for a response.

"well," i said slowly while fidgeting with my oversized white t shirt, "it's someone."
he rolled his eyes and scoffed. "well yeah it's someone. but who?"
"you first."
"no i asked you first."

i sighed in defeat. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?! we sat there in slight silence again.
i'll just tell partial lies i guess???

"it's someone i've been friends with for a while..."
jaehyun interrupted. "is it someone i know?"

i shook my head quickly trying to move on from the question.

"i don't know if he likes me though."
"why wouldn't he?"
"because i'm me..."

jaehyun snapped his head back with a face of disgust. "what do you mean you're you?"

"i mean i'm a person with a lot of baggage. with my job, with my emotions, with my past... i wouldn't want to bother him with it."

jaehyun lifted my chin ever so slightly with his right hand. he smiled softly, with slight tears in his eyes,
"you're amazing, and if he can't handle all of you then he's not worth it."

i sighed. but you are worth my time.
he released my chin and sat back down in silence once again.

he took a deep breath, "for me, the man i love has a hard time with his feelings. he bottles everything up and won't tell me everything. i mean i am quite the same, but i recently found out he's going through a hard time in which i didn't even know about," he shook his head slightly, "i just want to be his support system but how can i be if i didn't even know what's wrong?!"

i could feel tears forming in my eyes. he cares so much for this person, it's so evident. i don't know what to say or do, so i decide to swallow the pain flowing through my veins.

this time, i lifted his chin gently. when our watery eyes met, the entire world stopped: the pain, the uncertainty, time, and the stars gleaming outside our window. i smiled slightly.

"jaehyunnie," i said quietly still maintaining our eye contact, "don't blame yourself. i'm sure there's a reason as to why, and if you want to know you need to make sure he knows that he always has you, undoubtedly."

i put my hand down and rested it on my crisscross laps. i looked down at my fidgeting hands, trying to busy myself from breaking down.

it isn't me is it? i just want one thing in the world, ONE THING, and i can't even have it. today i'm drowning in waves and i can't even save myself.

i suddenly heard sniffling from jaehyun and my head immediately shot up.

"j-jae what's wrong?" i stuttered.

he sniffles again and took a deep breath.

we sat in silence for a few minutes; it consisted of him trying to calm down and me not trying to break down.