waves II jaeyong

thirty

jaehyun's pov....

the members had left the room so i was alone, in silence with the sleeping beauty gripping onto my hand.

i stared at him in awe... he was so beautiful. his sharp jawline, cute toned skin and the more i looked at him the more i wondered, 'does he even have any pores?'

but at the same time, the same thought sat at the back of my head. what if he hates me? what if he is here as a leader and not a lover? but why is he holding my hand? that has to mean something right?

i leaned my head back against the pillow and looked at the ceiling. everything was so confusing. i didn't even know that i was in the hospital for that matter. i had overworked myself for the following comeback that didn't even take care of myself. my mind was wrapped around tae that i got distracted easily. everything reminded me of him.

i took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"you're the right time, at the right moment, you're the sunlight that keeps my heart going," i sang quietly. it was the song that i sang to him when i confessed.

suddenly i felt him stirring next to me.

my body stopped moving. i didn't want to wake him up. i didn't want to face him after what happened and i wanted him to rest. i know he had been overworked with his schedule as well.

but the sleeping beauty lifted his head up and looked at me. we made longing eye contact for what felt like an hour.

"hey.." he whispered, still holding onto my hand.

i gave him a feint smile, "hey.."

then silence overtook the room once again.

i averted my gaze from his eyes to our intertwined fingers. he moved his gaze as well and soon came to the realization that we were still holding hands. he quickly tried pulling his hand away which made my heart drop. i didn't want him to let go.

maybe he didn't mean to hold my hand. maybe he just fell asleep like that...

"oh my god.." he panicked, "i'm so sorry..."

he's sorry?

i cocked my eyebrow which was much more tiring than it used to be. i desperately needed my rest.

"why're you sorry?" i asked curiously.

"because.." he paused and looked at me in my eyes. he took a deep inhale and exhale and finally began speaking again, "because i was holding your hand. you might've not wanted that and i totally-"

i grabbed his hand once again and intertwined our fingers. i don't know what overcame me because the question of whether or not he still loved me was at the back of my mind. my head said 'no, you should give up' but my heart was telling me otherwise.

"no," i whispered, "i want you to hold my hand."

another wave of silence drowned the room. we didn't know what to say. what was there to even say?

"tae-"

"jae-" we both said at once.

i chuckled lightly and so did he.

"you go first," he said.

"okay..." i took deep breaths. this was all for nothing. what else could i lose? oh right maybe my career, my friendship, the love of my life, the trust. everything is hanging on a strand of thread. "i'm sorry."

his eyes got teary eyed. it was two simple words that meant everything to him. his eyes gleamed with happiness, it was the brightest i've seen in three months.

maybe he does still care.

"i'm sorry too," he sighed as he gripped my hand even tighter.

"why're you sorry?" my face contorted in confusion, "it was all my doing."

he shook his head and smiled, "if my communications skills were better, we could be in a better spot right now."

i chuckled. "same goes for me."

silence took over. it wasn't uncomfortable silence for that matter... it was a worry silence.

what is going to happen now? should i just say it? what if it doesn't work out?

i shook my head and pushed my thoughts away.

you only live once.

"tae.." i whispered and he immediately looked up to me with his big, gleaming, doe eyes. "look what i'm about to say.. might ruin everything. and i apologize if it does but i just want you to listen until the very end okay?" i gripped onto his hand, having the excruciating worry sit in my stomach.

he nodded quickly and smiled, "okay."

i took a deep breath.

"look, this is all so scary," taeyong didn't move his gaze from me once. he was being so attentive like a little kid listening to good night story time. "i am so sorry for what i did. i should've trusted you but instead i let my trust problems get in the way of our relationship. you mean the world to me and i hope you know that."

taeyong started tearing up but he tried sniffling it back. "but there is one thing i am so scared of. what if i don't mean anything to you anymore? what if i was that one person in that one period of time that you needed? what if the things i feel will be worthless to you? what if i can't find someone like you again? it hurts thinking about the very real possibilities."

he gripped onto my hand and i felt like i was about to cry. i sniffled and tried holding back the tears but it soon became unbearable. the tears flowed down like rivers and it couldn't stop.

"i-i.." i choked. it hurt so much finally talking to him about this. and even if he didn't feel the same way i had to say it. "i still love you lee taeyong and i don't think i could ever stop."

hey yall ;) so i did say in the previous note that i would not be able to update in a while but today my classes were canceled so i decided to write! idk how many more chapters there will be left to the story but it is coming to a close end. heheeeee also sorry for leaving you on a cliffhanger... i gotta do what i gotta do.

make sure to stream kick it! their new album definitely makes me wanna cry because it is so good! please stay indoors and wash your hands! i don't want you guys getting sick :(. also guys!!!! i am writing a new story with the main character being haechan! when i publish it hehehehe which i hope soon, it'll tell a story that i have lived but replacing MANY characters with different people but the same role haha. ok so i have said enough and i will update u guys soon! love u all and stay safe!