Silence | Book 1

3-1: Enclosure

Hibiki let out a heavy groan, and laid his forehead down on top of the thousand page law textbook he was trying to crawl his way through. The noise and sudden movement caused Maki to stir from the dog bed in the corner and tip-toe up to him. Gladly he took the dog's presence as a distraction from his seemingly endless work, scratching between the ears with one hand.

It'll be worth it... once I get to criminal law. It's all laying a basis for the field, I shouldn't be too picky – but this is goddamn fucking hopeless.

A deep sigh escaped him, and with it he could feel some of the pressure on his thoughts leave as well. It felt like his mind had been stamped full of information, and although he had often studied, and studied intensely before, the denseness of the law made it an entirely different thing compared to a field as logical as mathematics, or as practical as language. Still he didn't want to admit he had possibly underestimated things, for the sheer reason that it would imply he had been bested, defeated, and if there was one thing he could stand even less it was to lose.

Just imagine grandmother's face if I finish law before Asahi. I'll show that pompous prick. 'Ooh I go to Tokyo University cousin'. Fuck you. I don't need to be perfect, I can do this any way I want. This is my life, your money doesn't own it. Fuck your wealth, and fuck your honour.

Agitated he slammed his pencil down onto his desk, huffing out aggressively through his nose as he stood up and tried to rid himself of this energy.

Maki watched while he paced up and down simultaneously chewing on the side of his index finger as these angry thoughts took over. He let his gaze drift through the apartment, and saw it for what it really was.

This is your cage for me. You don't want to save me from some evil world, I don't believe your fucking tales anymore. This is because you don't want anyone to see me. Because nobody needs to see me. Your wealth doesn't need me to have a face, it only needs me to exist. Just a name, even if I were to lay screaming on the floor for the rest of my life. I'm just a name there to exist on the bank accounts, on the legal forms.

I will not be your vault. I am not empty waiting for you to lock me up with your money. I will spite you, I will hate you, I will prove you fucking wrong until the day you die. I'm not crazy. I'm not. I'm just... me...

In anger and exasperation he grabbed an empty sheet of paper and balled it up. As hard as he could he threw it away, and hoped that it would take all his frustrations with it. Instead the flimsy paper barely made it past a few metres, and all it did was cause Maki to chase it across the room – but the sight was distracting enough to cool his spirits some. He sighed again when Maki faithfully returned the paper, albeit a bit drooled on.

With a faint, bittersweet smile he took the wet paper and walked towards the kitchen, whistling once to get Maki to follow.

There you go. Hibiki knelt down at the top of the two steps that separated the living room from the kitchen and gave Maki a few treats. The dog happily took them from his hand, while getting scratched behind the ears. You're not so bad... and do I even have the right to complain? Maybe I'm so spoiled I don't even realise it – I don't even really know what's outside. If only I could know a million minds at once...

He stood up again and walked to the balcony doors, even though it was raining outside. The droplets shimmered in distant light like thousands of stars stuck to his windows, but when he pulled the doors open all he was hit with was cold and wind. It felt good, in a way. It felt good to know that no matter who he was everyone felt the weather all the same.

So he leant out and let the rain hit his face, his hair whipped up and wildly swept aside by the swelling and falling winds. The rushing of leaves below, the patter of droplets and the roar of the air were enough to silence his mind for a moment: to make him remember that this world was simple – that these walls of honour and expectation were only as strong as he let them be. That it would take a mere moment for them to crumble and fade into nothing, if only he let go of it all.