Silence | Book 1

3-4: Music

About halfway to London, the sky sullied with thick and heavy clouds, until a soft rain begun to patter rhythmically onto the roof and windows. But it didn't matter; inside the car it was warm and comfy.

By then the realisation that he was on his way to London to have a good time, with a close friend he trusted and absolutely nothing he had to worry about set in fully, allowing Tristan to smile and speak freely. Before long he was talking about anything and everything that came to mind, setting loose all the political and philosophical ideas that had buzzed through his mind like bugs. Despite his conversation partner being entirely silent, Hibiki's facial expressions and body language had a surprising range of rebuttals and answers for him. Sometimes he agreed, sometimes he disagreed, and while unable to say why, Tristan's own mind filled in the gaps, bouncing back with different arguments to counter his theories and visions giving Hibiki a chance to point out which one it was. But no matter what Hibiki thought, he smiled widely now he was no longer afraid to be judged.

The same music still played in the background, softer but just as upbeat and melodic as before. Tristan recognised one of the songs that came up, an older pop song from the 2000s, and it made him smile widely.

"You know, my mum used to make me go to church to sing every week when I was little?" He started his anecdote, which elicited a surprised look and then a slight smirk from Hibiki. "Usually it was very religious hymns, but sometimes they would give us the child-appropriate sort of pop song to go wild on. At least at the old church, not my mum's new church."

He reminisced about that point in time, and although he wasn't religious anymore, he still remembered quite fondly the first church and the friends he had made there. After his parents had divorced however, his mother had slid into a darker, stricter church community: the kind where fun became an unforgivable sin – and truly unforgivable sins were fine as long as nobody was there to see.

"I still sing sometimes," he confessed, hoping to skirt by his heavier memories of the other church. "When I think I'm alone and nobody is watching, or listening." He smiled at Hibiki, but he just pretended to be staring ahead at the road, putting one hand over his ear to say he definitely wasn't listening at all.

Why am I even considering this? Part of him felt eager, nearly excited to sing for someone again that wasn't Anya, but an invisible barrier of nerves worked against him. I want to, but... it's embarrassing isn't it? His fingers hovered above the display, and he pretended to be thinking about what song to play, but in truth he wasn't sure if he should at all.

He glanced up at Hibiki in his uncertainty, and instead was met with a kind, rather gentle smile. Not the sort of smile that would ever judge him for anything, or ever had in the past month he had known him. It made him feel warm inside, and it washed over the coarse, sharp sensation of his anxiety, sweeping it away. As long as it was Hibiki listening, he didn't mind being stupid all that much.

He pressed the song he had wanted to sing, and as the beat started up, let go of all the prejudices he held against himself. There was only music, a song he loved and had belted out so many times before when he thought he was alone. It made him happy then, why wouldn't it now? When he was already happy?

The first few notes his voice trembled with residual anxiety, but soon enough it left his body altogether. He found the right notes, the right beat, the right feeling. The more he let go, the better it felt. There was nothing but enthusiasm, the exhilarating sensation of letting his voice flow and nailing the notes and beat. It pulled his body with, grinning widely as he clapped along and did every silly thing the moment compelled him to do.