Hidden Love ~ Stucky

29

He wakes up in Natasha's lap, flickering his eyes open and closed, open and closed a few times to adjust to the light. "Hey hey," she coos, brushing the hair from his face. "It's okay."

"Wh—what happened—" just as the words left his mouth, Bucky remembered why he had fainted, why he was on the floor, and felt the need to vomit.

"It's okay— your.. your dads on his way to come get you, Buck. Everything's okay."

He shot upright in her arms, trying to pull away from her as he starts to sob. "N-no— let me— let me go!" He cries, thrashing his arm. "Let me go!"

"You know you like it, sweetheart."

"Bucky! It's okay- it's me- it's Nat, you're okay.." Natasha tries, grabbing Bucky's arm as he begins to shake, eyes wide with fear, lip trembling.

"No— don't.. don't touch me! Please— please I- don't want this!"

Rough hands travel down Bucky's body, touching and rubbing without permission.

Teeth and lips biting and sucking at his skin, hurting him, making him cry.

"STOP!" He screams. He could feel hands all over his body, tugging his hair, digging into his hips. He could hear his wails and cries as he begs for everything to just stop.

Bucky hides himself in the corner of the bathrooms, clutching at his shaking body, rocking back and forth, staring with bloodshot eyes down at the tiled ground. He just wants to be left alone, to be able to just leave without feeling guilty about it. He didn't want to feel this way any longer. He wanted out.

He knew that there was so many ways he could do it. Pills, rope, pistol, a knife, blade, jumping off a cliff or a bridge. There were so many options.

"Bucky?" Natasha's voice cuts softly through his thoughts, and he looks up to find her crawling towards him on her knees, hands up in surrender, letting him know she wasn't going to hurt or touch him in any way. "It's just me, Nat. I'm here to help, okay? You're not alone in this."

She comes to an easy and slow stop before him, sitting on her calves in which would mostly be uncomfortable. "I- I know that you're scared and that you think that you're never going to get through this. But.. you're so so strong and brave and... I can't stomach the thought of losing you to.. to this- to what that monster did to you.." she was full on crying now, not bothering to wipe away the tears or the snot. She was being real. Proving that this was real and what Bucky could feel was not. That she was there for him, that she wouldn't judge him or leave him.

"And I— I know that you have moments where you can still see and feel and hear everything that happened.... that it's making you feel that the best way to stop it is by ending it all... that you feel like you can't recover but.. I know in my heart that you can.." she whispers, and Bucky can't stop himself from falling into her arms. Weeping into her chest. "Bucky.. you've been through so much shit these past few months, shit that you didn't deserve but you pushed through it. And yes you're still going over things and getting used to it all, but you can get through this as well and you will get through this.. I.. I promise you.."

Bucky sniffles. "How— how can y-you be so sure?" He whispers, breaking away to look the girl in the eyes. "Whenever I'm alone... all I can think about... about is what happened.... I can still feel it.. I- I.."

"I just do." Natasha finishes. "I just know that you'll get through it, okay? You trust me... don't you?"

"Y-yes.."

"Then thrust me on this.. you will get through it. And whenever you're alone.. you.. you can call me or Bruce or T'Challa or Steve and we'll stay on the phone with you for as long as you need.. yeah?"