Hearing Your Voice Again

Her Past

*Hey everyone! Here's another chapter that I wanted you all to read. You will find out a lot of things, but it doesn't end here! Enjoy!*

°°°°°°

"Wow.." I gasped as I stepped through the double doors of the 1-6 precinct. It's been years since I've seen this place, and I didn't think I would ever set foot here again. Both the good and bad memories flooded my mind of the days I've walked into this same squadroom. Most of the memories were mostly bad, and full of stress. For twelve years, I despised this place for keeping my husband away from me and his kids. Hours, day, even weeks he wouldn't come home to his family, but the job wasn't my only problem. I knew who he was with during those hours, and she used to always be on my mind 24/7. Olivia would never, but I knew she was tempted. For partners, they look as if they were the ones that were married instead of Elliot being my husband. I took a deep breath while smirking as I spotted a desk beside the others in the same spot where he would be sitting. It was as if he was still working here, but in a more modern fashion.

While I continuously looking around, I felt a soft hand cup my shoulder. Jumping at the touch, I immediately turned around to find that it was Olivia Benson herself. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that." She spoke with a solemn grin plastered on her soft face. I noticed the only thing that has changed about the woman was her hairstyle, but her appearance resembled no aging at all. I definitely saw how tired she was though.

"No it's fine, I was trying to look for you in the crowd." I smirked as I followed her through the bustle of the squad room to Cregan's office. "I can't believe Cregan is still here, where is he?"

"Enjoying his retirement." She walked behind the desk and plopped into the seat behind the desk, and my jaws dropped when I saw her name tag on the desk. "Now, I'm taking over."

"Olivia, that's incredible! Congrats." I was shocked at the news, but I always knew that it would be her instead of Elliot. "I knew you would get there, Elliot always told me how good you were with the victims."

"Yeah, well it's more stressful than I thought, but I'm absorbing as I go..." she claimed until there was a pause. I was here for a reason, and the way she spoke on the phone said everything. She found something. She got up from her desk and guided me to sit on a couch in the corner of the room. "Kathy, I called you because I believe I found a connection with the kidnapping."

On the inside I was jumping from wall to wall, but on the outside I shook and shuddered at the word. I was ready to find my child, I want him back home with me. "What did you find?"

We both breathed in before she continued on with the questions. "Are you familiar with a person named, Tod Ganderson?" My stomach began to turn, and my heart was beating rapidly as the memories matched the name perfectly. How could not familiar with the name. She softly rubbed my shoulder, I knew read my reaction since I wasn't trying to hard to hide it. "I'll take that as a yes. Kathy? Who is he?"

"He's..he's my step brother." My eyes connected with worried fingers as they were tangled up in each other. Fear soon entered my body as his name continued to wonder around my mind. "Was it him? Did he do this? Did he take Eli?"

"We don't know that yet, but I would like for you to tell me more about him. Were you two close?" I looked towards the window that pictured a bright as sunny day in his frame. My eyes drifted to the beautiful paper sunflower that sat on the seal. I got to my feet, and trailed over to window. I sighed as I felt to sunlight hit my chilled skin.

"Yes, we were. He was the big brother I never had. He would always buy me gifts when he came home from work." I smirked as I slightly shook my head. "When I was six, his father married my mother, and not only he was added to the package. He had a little brother and sister, Donel and Kathrine were their names. I loved them with all my heart, I still do, but we had grown apart."

"Why, what happened." I felt her movement behind me. I turned around to find her sitting on the corner of her desk. I knew what she was trying to get at, I had files and I knew she read it. The sympathy in her eyes said it all.

"I'm pretty sure you know why, Liv. I was just eight years old." I smiled through tears as the memories came in as flashbacks, and I remembered how scared I was that night. "He raped me, and I was just eight years old."

"Tell me." she gently spoke. I hated sympathy, but with her it was different. She wanted to listen. 

"It was the night before my birthday, everyone was asleep except me. Ha, I remember like it was yesterday, how I tossed and turned for literally three hours because I was so excited to turn eight. That was the age my mom promised me that I could start coming to the salon with her, and get my first mani-pedi." I chuckled as the memory was still warm and fresh as my love for my mother was stronger as our bond. "Todd promised me he would take me to Paris, and buy me the eiffel tower. He was still living with us at the time since he was going through financial issues, and couldn't hold an apartment. His room was just down the hall..."

I shuddered as my voice began to crack. I couldn't believe after all these years, it all still affected me, no matter how much I stopped thinking about him. I sniffled before continued as Olivia came and began to rub my back whispering 'it's okay'. "I'm sorry. Um, after laying awake in bed for so long. I decided to get up and go to the kitchen to fix myself a glass of water. Walking into the kitchen, I saw Todd sitting at the table drinking his dad's whiskey. He finished his first bottle, and was almost done with his second.

When I called his name, he looked up at me..with disgust and anger. I felt so uncomfortable, i felt like I walked on someone else's territory and I'm not supposed to be there at that time. I should've listened to my gut and went back to bed that night, but I couldn't move. It was like he had a hold on me. Minutes past as we stood there in silence until he spoke. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed. It's 11:52, you should be getting ready for your bog day tomorrow." He said it with so much sarcasm and hate. I told him I couldn't sleep and I needed something to drink. He lifted the whiskey bottle towards me, but I turned the offer down..."
I tried to breath as tears began to fall. I turned to Olivia, and of course she comforted me as she brought into her arms. "I hate saying it, but I should've took it, Olivia. He got so angry..."

"Shhhhh, it wasn't your fault, Kathy." She gently ran her hand over my back before I continued on.

"He threw the bottle on the floor, and walk over to me. He was so I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He got closer to my ear and whispered to me that no was never an answer when it came to him, and he told me I should get my birthday spankings since it was almost time. In just a second, he picked me up and took me back to my room locking the door behind him, and he rapped me." I shook in her arms as she held me tightly as it was getting harder and harder to breath. I began to take deep breaths as I pulled away from her welcoming arms. "You have yo find my baby. Promise Olivia, promise me you will."

"With your help, we are already a step closer." She gave me a genuine smile before grabbing both of my shoulders. I brought her into a hug, and for the first time I was happy to tell my story. This time someone listened.

"Please, Todd. Dont hurt my baby."

°°°°°°

*Okay guys! This is it with the Kathy/Olivia moment. I knew they would be great together since Kathy is now over the feelings that she had for Elliot in the marriage. So, I put all my thought into this as Kathy gave out her dark secret, and to the one person that will never pity her. I hope you all enjoyed!!*