𝐦𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐡𝐥𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐢 ; 𝐚 𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐮𝐥𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲

• chapter twenty-six •

Danielle

After that day, nothing seemed right for a long time. Everything was wrong because he wasn't here.

I continued to go to my appointments for the baby. When I found out it was a girl I bawled. I wrote it off as hormones to the nurses, but the truth was I couldn't help but picture him laying in bed, with his messy, brown hair telling me he had a feeling it was a girl.

When I told Jacob, he was surprisingly supportive. He had really changed and told me that he was going to take care of us. I made it clear I didn't want to have a relationship again though and he respected that. There were times when he would pick me up to go buy some baby clothes or take me to an appointment that I would stare at him the whole car ride and wonder if I could ever love him again. Often, I tried to let myself believe I could, but I couldn't. There was only one man that I could love with my whole heart and he was gone.

I even tried a little fling with Justin from the plane, but it didn't work out too well. He was great and very attentive, but he was moving a little too fast. I could tell he wanted me barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen and I was not going to have that.

Here I was now, my hand splayed across my 7 month old bump, looking at myself in the mirror. It took me the past four months to finally realize that the main person I needed to focus on right now was me. If I don't get myself in check, caring for this baby is going to be really hard and if I wanted to set a good example for my daughter, I was going to have to learn how to love myself. Because there was no way in hell my baby girl was going to depend on a man for happiness.

I quickly buttoned my shirt and ran my fingers through my hair. I was leaving for a therapist appointment which was a really big step for me, but I've been seeing her on a monthly basis now.

"Take a seat, Danielle." Geneva gently offered as I walked into her office.

"So, how have you been?" She gives me a warm smile.

"I've been good." I replied, nervously playing with the engagement ring I still wore.

"Have you really?" Geneva calmly asked.

"I mean as much as can be expected."

"Hmm." She sighed. "Have you seen him lately?" Geneva caught my attention.

I immediately knew she was talking about Skeet, but it still took me by surprise. She usually only wants to talk about me.

"No, of course not. I haven't had any form of contact with him since he left me in Paris." I whispered, feeling the familiar clenching of my muscles at the thought of Skeet.

"Not even at work?" Geneva raised her chin slightly as she waited for my answer.

"Well, I mean, yeah, he's been at work, but that's not the same." I made eye contact with her finally.

"Why is that?"

"Because I may see him at work, but I don't really see him. Like I can see his body from across the parking lot, but I don't get to see that passion in his eyes that he had when he would stare at me. I don't get to feel his rough skin on my cheek, or my lips against his. Sure, I may look at him, but he's not mine to really look at anymore."

"Ahh, I see. What kinds of things did you think about when you pictured your future with him?" She asked.

My breath caught in my throat, this was too much to talk about all at once.

"Geneva, why are we suddenly talking about Skeet? This isn't what I'm here for." My voice was shaky.

"No, you're here to heal. But in order to do that you need to learn that things change and there's absolutely nothing you or anyone else can do about it. There is one thing that will never change though, and that's you and your baby." She gestures to my stomach as my eyes fill with tears.

"Now, I'm no fortune teller, Danielle. Skeet might realize he loves you and come back to you, or you might never see him again, but either way you're going to have to be okay no matter the outcome. It does not matter who loves you or leaves you, you have to be okay." She sat back in her chair allowing me to turn that over and over in my brain.

She was right. This is supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my life and I'm wasting it by wallowing in self pity.

Skeet

"Dad, are you even listening to me?" Naiia was becoming annoyed.

"Sorry, sweetheart. I just can't focus." I apologized, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.

"Dad, you're going to have to find some way to get past this, it's been months. You're driving yourself crazy." Naiia replied.

"I know, honey. I think I'm just going to go up to bed. We'll talk more tomorrow." I sighed, climbing the stairs.

That had been happening a lot lately. Me, totally zoning out, thinking about what could've been. All I could think about was how fucking beautiful she was, laying in my bed.

That's what I missed the most. Not the great sex or the expensive dates, I just missed waking up to her. With her brown hair all messy and a huge smile on her face as I ran my hands over her smooth skin. God, I could cry, I will never get over that longing for her.

It about killed me when she showed up to a cast party on some pretty boy's arm. My blood had boiled as I watched him nuzzle her neck and caress her baby bump making her laugh. That was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be holding her all night and stealing kisses from her as she talked to the cast members, not the asshole she was with.

I fell down on the bed not even bothering to change my clothes. My room still smelled like her. She was everywhere.

Later, I woke up to someone shaking me. I blinked a few times before I saw Jakob.

"You were dreaming again, calling her name." He said sadly.

I ran my hand down my face and through my stubble as I sat up.

"You've got to do something, Dad." Jakob pressed.

"There isn't a damn thing I can do, Jakob." I huffed, cracking my back.

"You can go get her back." A low chuckle left my lips at the thought.

"I'm serious, Dad. God, everybody around you can see how miserable you are without her except you! I know it hurt, finding out that the baby wasn't yours, I don't blame you. But if you loved her you'd be able to get past it. I saw it in her eyes, Dad. She loves you. It was real. You can't just let that go." My son amazed me.

I thought long and hard about it. The baby may not be mine, but she was mine. She always was and I don't know how much longer I can go on without her.

Before I could change my mind, I had packed a bag and bought a one way ticket to Vancouver. I wasn't supposed to go back to work for another week but I had to see her. I had to see if she was still mine.

So, I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger. Sorry! I'm an awful writer but I'm trying to update faster. Love you all !!

~ J