Crazy In Love (Crushing Hard Series Book 1)

Dear Diary 25/02/2012

20:00 PM

So, all the matrics have decided to try going to a club together. Well, not everyone—the black students declined. Most of us have never been to A Club (that’s the name of the place), so we figured we’d venture out together.

You’re probably wondering what’s been happening since my last entry. Well, after that intense make-out session with Scott, I’ve been a good girl. I felt genuinely awful about what I was doing to Cassandra; it just wasn’t very sisterly of me, so I decided to quit Scott James—cold turkey. The crush still burns bright, and his presence feels like the sun, but I just can’t be a homewrecker.

Scott and I have an unspoken agreement to pretend nothing ever happened. During our prefect duties, which are daily, we talk about everything—except how much I want to kiss him. I make him laugh, and I think my answers to his questions often surprise him. One time, he asked me something, and when I gave him my honest answer, he just laughed, looked at me with those ocean blue eyes, and said:

"You always surprise me; I never know what you’re going to say. I like it." He smiled at me, sending my heart into chaos.

I frowned, unsure what to make of that. It was easy to maintain my distance when we joked and talked from afar, but it was the foyer duty that truly tested me. Sitting next to him, I had to grip the table and position myself as far away as possible, trying not to reach for him or touch him. I could see him clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Clearly, I affected him almost as much as he affected me, and that wasn’t good.

Meanwhile, he and Cassandra continued to be the golden couple; it was obvious he loved her. The way his eyes followed her reminded me of how they followed my every move when I was in the same room.

It was painfully clear that I wasn’t enough for him. I wasn’t enough. That realization cut deeply. Why couldn’t it be me? Why wasn’t I the girl he walked the school halls with, hand in hand? For a while, this thought made me incredibly sad. But now? It’s starting to make me a little bit angry.

I met a guy named Dean on the school bus (not the Dean we know). He goes to a different school and is absolutely gorgeous—more so than Scott James, if I’m being honest. He seems really smitten with me, too. I had been crushing on him for weeks, and finally, he took the initiative and kissed me on the bus. Everyone was so excited; they all knew I liked him!

We talk every day on BBM, and he always texts me. Sometimes he’s a little too sweet, but I don’t mind because he’s my boyfriend now. He has blonde curly hair and eyes the color of the sea in Mauritius. He’s tanned and lean, and he’s the captain of his school's first team rugby. So, yeah...

My mom’s new boyfriend is going to drop us off at the club. He was pretty judgmental when my mom asked him, saying, “You let your kids go clubbing?”

My mom shot back with, “Yes. It’s better they go with my permission than sneak around behind my back without me knowing where they are.”

That definitely shut him up. Anyway, he’s here now...

A little later 

When Dean arrived, my friends went wild. Let me backtrack for a second... We got to the club and were still waiting in the parking lot for everyone to arrive when my brother's friend, Deon, stumbled out of nowhere, already ridiculously drunk. He got so disoriented that he started stripping down to search for his wallet. We managed to stop him before he went full nude, but not before snagging some hilarious photos. The whole crew was there - Amy, Jade, Charmaine, Melissa, Cassandra, and of course Scott - and we all finally made our way inside, pumped up and ready to party. The music was blasting, and Lissa and I hit the dance floor, soon joined by the rest of the girls. Meanwhile, the guys were busy playing pool and checking us out. Then, Dean texted me to say he'd arrived. I'm not sure if it was the booze or the dim club lighting, but Dean looked absolutely stunning. He wore black skinny jeans and a black top, and was accompanied by his gorgeous Asian friend, who happened to be dating one of my friends. When I introduced them to the gang, all the girls were clearly smitten. I, naturally, stuck to Dean like glue. While everyone else danced the night away, Dean and I hung out at the bar, giggling, chatting, and sneaking in a few kisses. I didn't need any shots - Dean was all the excitement I needed. His constant touch, his arm slung casually around my waist, his hand on my thigh, and his lips brushing against my head had my body buzzing. I couldn't help but notice Scott watching us from across the room with a scowl on his face. When our eyes met, I shot him a "fuck off, buddy" glare, as in, "Focus on your own girlfriend, dude - nobody's thinking about you over here."