Crazy In Love (Crushing Hard Series Book 1)

Dear Diary: 12/07/2012

**20:15 PM**

Wow, it has been a mighty long time! School has been closed for three weeks, and we go back on Monday the 15th, which is in just two days. I just got back from Grahamstown after spending a whole week there. The holidays have been magical—where do I even begin?

Scott and I are… TOGETHER! A lot of people know about it. How, you ask? Well, there was another party that Melissa hosted, and we got super wasted.

Anyway, Scott was at that party along with a few matrics and juniors, who only came because Lissa’s younger brother is a junior at our school. I’m not sure how it happened, but Scott and I were talking and drunkenly swaying at the same time. Then, all of a sudden, we were making out with extreme force. It was all so intense! We were pressed against each other, swaying, knocking into people, and even toppling over some bottles.

Once everyone got over the initial shock and realized it was Scott and me kissing passionately, they actually cheered! Amy and Melissa were yelling at anyone who would listen that they’d always known. It felt exhilarating and freeing to finally be open about our feelings in front of everyone.

Cassandra wasn't at the party, but someone posted pictures online, and one of them captured me and Scott looking incredibly cozy—like, wrapped up in each other's arms kind of cozy. Almost immediately, Cassandra started blowing up Scott's phone with messages, and I began receiving texts where I was called evil, a slut, and a homewrecker.

At first, it stressed me out. I got really torn up over it. I hate the thought of people hating me, and it bothered me that somewhere out there in the world, there was someone who would be happy if I just disappeared. Scott initially felt guilty about it too, which only added to my anxiety. But after a while, I started to notice that he was getting a little annoyed by her incessant messages.

I felt a bit pleased by this shift—he was standing up for us. Instead of me having to ask him to tell her to piss off, he took the initiative himself. It was a relief to see him assert himself, even if it came from the chaos of the situation.

Of course, nobody knew that we hadn’t just started dating; it had been happening for a very, very long time. We had kept it under wraps, navigating through the complexities of feelings and friendships. But now, with the pictures circulating and Cassandra's explosive reaction, everything was out in the open.

Despite the hurtful comments and the drama, there was a part of me that felt empowered. Scott was on my side, and we were facing this together. I reminded myself that the negativity from others didn’t define who I was or what we had. We were in this together, and I had to focus on what really mattered—my feelings for Scott and the happiness we found in each other.

Scott and I are profoundly in love, and he's brought an incredible brightness to my life. He's enriched my world with color and joy, becoming a fundamental part of my feelings and aspirations. He represented everything to me—the beginning, the end, the struggles, the goals, and the driving force behind my existence. This love transformed my being; it encouraged me to improve myself. His love has helped me find joy in laughter and made me stop to appreciate the simple wonders, like a ladybug resting on a leaf. I felt intoxicated by one of life’s most precious gifts-love

Our romance quickly became a topic of conversation among our friends. Whenever we went to gatherings or bonfires (which seemed to happen nearly every night), people would “aww” whenever we exchanged kisses or held hands. Hearing Scott call me “babe” made hearts flutter, and I distinctly remember the time I got him a plate of food at a braai. Everyone went wild, exclaiming how adorable we were. But bringing him food? That was simply the Zulu tradition; it’s customary for us to care for and nurture the men in our lives, and I naturally showered Scott with affection.

Despite my love for him and the comfort he provided, there were moments when I felt the pressure to be more captivating, more understanding, and more nurturing than the girl who came before me. That’s the reality when you step into a relationship with someone who has a past—there’s always the haunting presence of their ex. Thankfully, Scott never made comparisons or made me feel inadequate; he consistently treated me like the best thing that had ever happened to him. His admiration was obvious to anyone who looked our way. However, these insecurities were my internal battles, struggles I faced quietly.

After our disagreement regarding his kiss with Cassandra, Scott put in a genuine effort to show that I could rely on him and that he was committed to me. At first, I was distant, and I could see it hurt him, which I couldn’t ignore. But one day, I decided to let go, and we embarked on this new and exhilarating chapter together.

Oh, and I have to share that I officially met Scott’s family! His mother invited me over for dinner shortly after the school holidays began. It was also the night when our friends found out about our relationship because afterward, we went to Melissa’s party.

Scott has two sisters, and he’s the youngest. Gabriella, the second sister, was warm and welcoming toward me. In contrast, the oldest sister, Alice, who is married and clearly favored Cassandra, treated me quite coldly. Fortunately, she no longer lives with the James family, so I won’t have to worry about encountering her during my visits.

Gabriella is studying to become a teacher and has been living on campus in Pretoria. We connected well during her holiday visit. I chose to disregard Alice after her frosty reception; I simply wouldn’t beg for her acceptance. Scott’s father was easy-going and seemed to appreciate anyone at his dinner table, as long as it made Scott happy. He appeared to like me, which was reassuring.

However, Scott’s mother had this imposing wall that I struggled to penetrate. While she was polite, she kept me at arm’s length, which was frustrating. I longed for her acceptance and wanted her to see how much I cared for her son, but it felt like I was trying to break through solid barriers.

Despite these challenges, I was determined to nurture our relationship. Scott and I shared something extraordinary, and I was ready to confront whatever obstacles lay ahead, even when it came to navigating family dynamics. Each moment spent with him felt like a treasure, and I was resolute in fighting for our love.

Last week, I traveled to Grahamstown for the drama festival with the public speaking team: Billie, Amanda, Precious, and me. We left on Sunday and returned on Friday, taking a long 13-hour bus ride from Durban.

The bus ride was lively; Billie and I were excitedly discussing Harry Potter, while the guys in the back made a lot of noise. After hours of trying to sleep, their raucous laughter and dirty jokes became unbearable. We stopped for a break at 1 a.m., and I couldn't help but flip the noisy guys the middle finger as they walked by. They just laughed, thinking I was joking.

By the time we reached Grahamstown, I was tired and cranky, suffering from body odor. The day was filled with back-to-back plays, which quickly became monotonous. I missed Scott, my boyfriend, and found myself dozing off during shows. Once, I woke up to a naked actor on stage, which confused me at first, but I ended up laughing with others in the audience.

At night, we snuck out to party. One night, I ditched Billie, worried she'd tell on me, and met up with some guys, including one named Q, who tried to grope me. Thankfully, Precious and Amanda stepped in to help. In a moment of drunkenness, I called Scott to tell him about my encounter, not realizing he had a jealous streak. He hung up angrily.

The next morning, I felt awful from the hangover and lied to Billie, saying it was the food. As the week dragged on, we grew tired of the plays, eagerly anticipating our departure. On Thursday night, while reading Twilight, Scott called to say he was in Grahamstown to confront Q. I rushed out to meet him, overjoyed to see him. We embraced, exchanged sweet words, and kissed in his car, relishing the time together.

The next morning, I was ready to go home, I was missing Scott and my family. Scott picked me up from school, and although we planned to hang out, I was so tired that he insisted I rest. My boyfriend truly is amazing.