Crazy In Love (Crushing Hard Series Book 1)

Dear Diary: 12/12/12

20:15 PM

I can’t stop crying. I’m a shattered mess, spiraling deeper into despair. Have you ever been so heartbroken that you feel like you’re in pieces? It’s as if someone hastily taped you back together, but even then, some fragments keep slipping away or dangling precariously from the tape. That’s what I’m feeling right now—fragile, incomplete, and utterly lost.

Breathing is a struggle, each inhale a reminder of the gaping hole in my chest, an abyss where my heart used to be. It feels like massive chunks of me have just evaporated, leaving behind a hollow shell that echoes with a pain I can’t escape. Even writing Scott’s name sends a jolt of agony through me, a sharp reminder of what I’ve lost. He didn’t just break my heart; he obliterated it, turning my world into a landscape of ruins. All I do is cry and ache for him, but the thought of forgiveness feels impossible. What he did to me is a betrayal that cuts so deep it feels like a wound that will never heal.

Every memory of us plays in my mind like a haunting melody, beautiful yet torturous. I can still hear his laughter, see the way his eyes sparkled when he looked at me, and it twists the knife deeper. I can’t escape the memories, and they suffocate me, reminding me of the love I thought we had—a love that now feels like a cruel joke.

I’m drowning in this sea of sorrow, each wave crashing over me, dragging me further under. I miss him so fiercely that it feels like a physical pain, a relentless ache that won’t let up. But even in my longing, I know I can’t forgive him. The betrayal festers inside me, a poison that seeps into every corner of my being.

Wooh. Let me tell you what happened:

So, we had been trudging through finals, and for a fleeting moment, Scott and I felt blissful—wrapped in a cocoon of love. He was utterly smitten; it radiated from him in every glance, every tender gesture. Even when I acted like a brat, demanding he drop off a packet of winegums at 10 PM to satisfy a sudden craving, he did it without hesitation, a smile dancing on his lips. Yet, underneath it all, I sensed a disquieting distance, a shadow creeping into our seemingly perfect world. I brushed it off, convincing myself that love would triumph over everything.

Then, on the last day of finals, the universe unleashed its cruelest twist. Cassandra approached me, and my heart sank, bracing for the onslaught of insults I had grown accustomed to. But instead, she delivered a devastating truth that shattered my reality into a million jagged shards. She revealed that she had been pregnant when her relationship with Scott ended. She lost the baby. And Scott knew. He knew, and he never told me.

In that horrific moment, it felt as if the ground beneath me had crumbled away. I could almost hear the sound of glass shattering, the sharp, piercing noise mirroring the agony in my chest as I gasped for air. All I could see was Scott’s betrayal, a suffocating darkness engulfing me. What kind of man keeps something so monumental hidden from his girlfriend? He and Cassandra had a secret—a child they created together—and I was left reeling, feeling like a cruel joke had been played on me. What if that child had lived? Where would that leave me?

Suddenly, the fight drained out of me. I was too exhausted to confront Scott about Cassandra. I felt like a hollow shell, devoid of energy. When he came over to ask why I had taken the bus home instead of riding with him, I couldn’t articulate the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me. I could only cry—a horrific, guttural sound that tore from my throat like an animal in pain. Finally, through the tears, I managed to tell him that Cassandra had revealed everything. His face crumpled, and I watched despair wash over him, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“It’s over,” I said, my voice ragged and raw. It wasn’t just about the pregnancy; it was about the fact that he could keep such an earth-shattering secret from me for months. Even when my instincts screamed that something was wrong, he had the audacity to lie to me, to betray my trust.