Crazy In Love (Crushing Hard Series Book 1)

Dear Diary 07/06/2012

13:45 PM

We're in the midst of writing our mid-year exams, and I can hardly focus. We finish up and close for the holidays on the 15th of June, then we're back on the 9th of July. And right after that, it's the Matric Dance! But honestly, I'm feeling pretty upset with Scott right now. He's been putting off breaking up with Cassandra because he doesn't want to "stress" her out while she's dealing with exams. But what about me? It's perfectly fine for him to stress me out.

The only consolation I have is that he hasn't spent any alone time with her during this period. He told her, "Oh, let's focus on our studies," and while that's half true, let's be honest-most of his "studying" time is spent with me, and let's just say there's not a whole lot of studying going on. I mean, we start with good intentions, we really do, but it usually ends with us making out like two hormonal teens (which we are, in case anyone forgot).

But here's the real kicker: when I'm with him, everything feels like rainbows and butterflies and all that jazz. It's like my brain completely short-circuits, and I forget that I'm basically the "other woman." But the second I'm home, reality slaps me in the face with, "Hello? Remember how you're stressing out while he's prioritizing her feelings over yours? Yeah, you're welcome."

I try not to let it show, though. I mean, it's too soon to go all "Crazy Girlfriend" on him, right? So I bottle it all up, act like everything's fine, and save my rants for this journal (lucky you). But seriously, if I keep holding it in, I'm going to explode, and not in a cute "I'm so mad but still adorable" kind of way. More like, "I'm about to ruin a perfectly good Matric Dance dress by setting it on fire."

Anyway, taxi's here. Off to Scott's for another "study" session. Let's hope we actually crack open a book this time. But I wouldn't bet on it. Talk later!

A little later

So... wow. Just got back home, and guess what? I met Scott's mother. Yep, and let me tell you-she's definitely not my biggest fan.

It all started pretty normal. I was "helping" Scott study in the living room, but honestly, I was just mesmerized by him the entire time. You ever have one of those days where you look at your person and think, Wait, how is this real? How is this human specimen actually mine? That was me, fully dazzled.

Like, I am head over heels. The way the hair at the back of his neck sticks up after he runs his hand through it? Gets me every time. And don't get me started on how his eyes crinkle when he smiles-like, full-on heart palpitations over here. And those arms? The veins, the soft little hairs, the way his eyes get all squinty when he laughs? I'm dead. Even when he's just sitting there, blinking at me like he's soaking in every word, I'm like, oh, so we're doing this, huh? You're really gonna be this perfect?

And then... those lips. I mean, how can anyone expect me to focus on "Macbeth" when I'm sitting next to that? It's not humanly possible.

So yeah, I'm sneaking glances at him (totally innocent, mind you), and every now and then, I catch him sneaking glances at me. It's like this adorable back-and-forth, and he blushes every time I catch him. I don't know how we ever get any work done. Spoiler alert: we don't.

But here's the thing-I started overthinking. Like, what could this Greek god of a human possibly see in me? Sure, I know I'm cute. I've got great legs, light skin, pouty lips-I'm not blind to my own charm. But I don't have the whole blonde hair, blue-eyed thing going on. I'm not what most people picture when they think of the girl-next-door type.

And then, as I'm busy contemplating how in the world I landed this guy, he snaps.

"Fuck, Thandi. Can you stop? I can't concentrate on shit."