Crazy In Love (Crushing Hard Series Book 1)

Dear Diary 02/06/2012

23:01 PM

I just got home...

Yesterday, a bunch of us went to see Snow White and the Huntsman with Kristen Stewart. Afterward, we had a slumber party at school. The principal allowed it since the prefects would be supervising, so there was a sense of trust to keep things in line.

The movie was amazing, but the funniest part? Oh, Kristen Stewart’s scene where she wakes up from the dead. I can’t stop laughing even now, thinking about it. She screeches something about iron melting and how she’s never seen a light brighter than what she just woke from. I laughed so hard that every time I tried to calm down, the memory of her saying, “Who will be my weapon?” in that screechy voice would come back, and I'd lose it all over again. Amy couldn’t hold it together either. Kristen sounded like a teenage boy whose voice was breaking—bless her.

But the highlight of the night? I sat next to Scott during the movie. Scott. Everything between us has been strictly platonic recently. He’s been careful to avoid being alone with me, always keeping Cassandra, his girlfriend, around as a buffer. It’s like he’s relieved when we aren’t left alone, always ensuring whatever’s between us stays in her presence. It’s good for him, I suppose. But it’s torture for me.

Ever since I let those feelings flood in, I can't stop thinking about him. Scott is on my mind every second of the day—I can’t eat, can’t sleep. It’s like I’m living just for the moments when we’re near each other. Every second away from him makes me feel sick. The other day, Cassandra left us alone for just a moment to get popcorn. Scott fidgeted the entire time, like he was crawling out of his own skin, which annoyed me so much.

“Gosh, Scott! Is it that awful to be left alone with me? Relax, I’m not going to bite,” I snapped, watching Cassandra as she chatted with someone in line.

“I can’t relax around you! You’re going to be the death of me!” he hissed, before abruptly walking off, leaving me stunned, trying to make sense of what he said.

When Cassandra came back, she asked, “Where did Scott go?”

I shrugged. “I guess he got tired of waiting. Can I have some popcorn?”

She filled me in on some things as we walked back. Apparently, she and Scott aren’t even sleeping together anymore—he feels guilty, something about it being a sin. I didn’t know he was that religious, but whatever. My heart raced at the thought that maybe his guilt had more to do with me than with faith. But I pushed the thought away. Maybe I was just overthinking.

Anyway, that was the last time I’d been alone with him. Usually, Cassandra sticks close. So sitting next to him at the cinema felt like a stroke of luck. Scott sat between us, but just being that close to him brought back so many memories—how his lips felt on mine, how long it had been since we kissed. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I’d imagined it all.

As soon as the lights dimmed in the cinema, the atmosphere changed. Every breath felt heavy, the air thick. I became hyper-aware of him, his arm resting on the armrest we were sharing, barely brushing mine. It took everything in me not to reach out and touch him. I could hardly concentrate on the movie. Then he shifted slightly, and his arm pressed against mine. That small touch sent electricity through me. Neither of us moved. Two hours passed like that, our arms glued together, though his other hand held Cassandra’s. That pissed me off, but not enough to move away. How pathetic is that?

After the movie, we went to McDonald’s. Cassandra and Scott sat at a separate booth while I joined Lissa, Amy, and Jade. We talked about Kristen Stewart’s affair, which got pretty heated. I’m a die-hard Robsten fan, so her betrayal felt personal. Scott’s table took the side of forgiveness, while I was firmly on the “burn the bitch to the ground” team.