Crazy In Love (Crushing Hard Series Book 1)

Dear Diary 16/07/2012

21:15 PM

Today at school was a mix of horror and sheer joy. The horror came from Cassandra and her clique, who seemed to take pleasure in tormenting me for daring to fall in love with Scott, the boy I've been infatuated with since the first day of eighth grade. They would snicker and hurl rude comments my way as I walked past or entered the classroom. I confided in Scott during the first break, and he advised me to simply ignore them. But that’s easier said than done.

Walking into school hand in hand with Scott felt like a dream come true. You know that feeling when reality surpasses even your wildest dreams? That’s exactly how it felt. I was so happy that I didn’t want to close my eyes or sleep; I wanted to savor every moment with him.

In Math class, I made the mistake of sitting next to Scott, which upset Lissa. She had been my seatmate since grade eight and accused me of becoming “one of those girls.” I shot back that she was just jealous because her boyfriend didn’t even go to our school. But sitting next to Scott distracted me completely. I couldn’t focus at all.

I felt breathless, lost in thoughts of our unforgettable private moments together. It left me feeling restless in my seat.

“Stop that. I know what you’re thinking,” Scott whispered, his eyes glued to the board as he attempted to focus on the teacher, while I struggled to keep up with the lesson.

Leaning closer, I whispered, “I’m thinking about that thing you do with your finger.”

He let out a quiet, almost pained moan.

“Tonight,” he promised. A smile spread across my face; relief was finally in sight.

Aren't we just a pair of eager teenagers? We've had the conversation about sex, and we both decided it's best to hold off for now. Engaging in sexual activity comes with a lot of responsibility, and I have my sights set on my memulo—a traditional Zulu ceremony celebrated for daughters who have remained virgins until the age of 21. This event is a way for parents to express their gratitude and to symbolically grant permission for their daughters to begin dating.

In Biology, I found myself without anyone to sit with since Scott doesn't take the class. So, I returned to Melissa, like a puppy with a tail between its legs. We made amends and went through our usual routine of "hoes before bros."

During second break, I was alone in the prefect room—some people were on duty, while others hung out at the matric quad, chatting about the dance this Friday. I had lied to Lissa, claiming I had prefect duty, which was a blatant lie. I was engrossed in a book by Sarah Dessen called Someone Like You, and I wanted to stay in and read for a bit. Just then, Cassandra walked in, completely alone with no friends by her side. Initially, I felt uneasy and wished I could vanish or be swallowed by the floor. But that didn't happen. Memories of the cruel messages she sent me flooded my mind—harsh comments that would have reduced a weaker person to tears. She ignored my presence and went straight to her locker, pulling out books without acknowledging me.

“Oh, I guess you’re not so tough when you’re alone or without a phone to hide behind,” I blurted out. I immediately regretted it; the sensible part of me wanted to avoid conflict, but another part craved to show her I wouldn’t be bullied.

“Excuse me?” she retorted with a sneer.

“I said you’re not so intimidating now that you don’t have anyone to back you up,” I replied loudly.

“I’m not hiding. You stole him from me. Don’t think I didn’t realize you were after him. I always knew—just never imagined he’d be foolish enough to fall for it,” she shot back, hands on her hips. I took a deep breath and counted to ten.

“Look, I don't want to fight or hold any grudges. I'm not asking for friendship, just a bit of civility. We’ll be around each other nearly every day. I’m truly sorry you’re hurting. I feel terrible. But like you said, it’s no secret how I felt about Scott, and by some miracle, he feels the same way. It’s like winning the lottery, and I can’t turn that down for anyone. I’m sorry if that hurts you, but please understand…” I pleaded, opening my heart.

She met my gaze with cold, indifferent eyes. “He was my lottery. You took him from me. If you had been a real friend, you wouldn’t have done this.”

“We weren’t that close,” I pointed out, a bit harsh but truthful.

“You’re just a bitch. A fucking bitch. And karma will come back to haunt you. Fuck you and your so-called peace,” she spat.

I gasped at her words as she turned to leave. One thing you never did was curse at me and walk away without letting me have my say.

“Who do you think you’re talking to? I was trying to rise above this, but you just threw it back in my face. I’m telling you now, stop this smear campaign against me, or we’ll have to settle this another way—”

Just then, Scott walked in. From his expression, it was clear he had overheard everything except the part where I was told to fuck off.

“Awesome, Scott. You humiliate me by breaking up, and now your girlfriend is coming at me! When does it end?” she exclaimed, tears welling up in her eyes.

With that, she stormed off, leaving me stunned. Scott’s gaze shifted to me, and I flinched at the anger I saw in his eyes—it was aimed right at me.

“Seriously, Thandeka? Were you actually going to fight her?” he asked.

“Scott, I was trying to call a truce, and she told me to fuck off—” I started to explain.

“I don’t care! She’s clearly hurt and lashing out. You don’t need to be a bully—”

“I’m a bully now?” I was shocked and hurt.

“—and try to beat forgiveness out of her. Try to see it from her perspective, Thandeka,” he finished.

His anger faded as quickly as it had appeared, and I snapped.

“I have to understand, Scott? Was I sleeping with her? Did I make promises? No? So why should I understand? The only thing I get is that Cassandra comes first in our relationship. That’s all I need to know.”

I shook with anger, and Scott could see there was no reasoning with me. I didn’t know if I wanted to break up with him or stay together; all I knew was that, at that moment, I didn’t want to be near him.

“Look, Scott, don’t worry about driving me home. I’ll take the bus, okay? Cool.” I said as I walked out.

He reached for my hand, but I pulled away so forcefully that he raised his hands like I was a wild animal.

I headed to the quad to hang out with the other matrics, and they distracted me by talking about the upcoming dance.

After school, Scott approached me while I waited for the bus to arrive. He started apologizing, but his words didn’t really register with me. I was honestly worried that we’d never escape this situation with Cassandra. At this point, it felt like she might actually drive us apart. The real issue wasn’t just her; it was Scott, who stood by her so fiercely. I felt cold and alone in this mess. As the bus pulled up, he asked if he could come over later that evening.

“No,” I replied firmly.

I needed some time to sort through my thoughts and feelings.