Behind Closed Doors

Chapter 9

 So here's chapter 9!!

Sorry it took so long...been a tad busy with some things.

Anyway....

Enjoy!!

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What am I going to do?

 I love Braxton, I know I do, but can I actually forgive him for what he did?

If I forgive him, does that mean that what he did is okay?

So many questions go through my mind.  I don’t know what to do.  I can’t have him think that buying me these expensive gifts makes us okay.  He so can’t buy my forgiveness.  Maybe I’ll give the gifts back; hopefully he’ll realize that it wasn’t an appropriate thing to do.  Ugh!  I could use a new stethoscope too and he knew that I’ve wanted to get a Nook.  He’s so damn frustrating!

I put both gifts back in the box.  I get up off the couch, leaving the box there.  I walk over to the stereo, turning it off.  I need to get out of the house.  Get some fresh air and clear my head.  I walk to the bedroom, going into my closet.  I grab a pair of black yoga pants.  Then I go over to my dresser, picking out an old Def Leppard t-shirt.  I change into the workout clothes, slipping on a pair of black and white Nike’s.  I tie my hair into a low ponytail, grabbing the hat off my dresser and putting it on. Once I’m ready, I go into the kitchen to get my iPod and keys out of my purse. 

Locking the front door behind me, I stand on the stoop, taking a deep breath.  I put the ear buds in, turning my iPod on.  I pick a song from the Arctic Monkeys to get me jazzed up for my run.  Walking over to the car, I grab a pair of sunglasses to cover up my eyes since I don’t have any make-up on.  I lock the car, slipping the keys into my pocket then setting off down the street.  While I’m running, I listen to the song, trying to clear my mind.  It’s not working.  Braxton still keeps sneaking up on me.  I turn the music up louder, hoping that drowns out my thoughts for a bit.

I weave through the people walking on the sidewalks, smiling at a few passersby’s.  Once I get to the Lake Shore trail, I can relax a little because there are less people around.  I speed up into a sprint, really pushing myself.  It seems to be helping with clearing my thoughts. The only thing I’m thinking about now is my breathing.  I slow down to a walk; hand on hips, trying to slow my breathing.  As I’m walking, I see a stone wall near the lake.  I go over to it, climbing, to sit on top of it.  I sit there, just staring out into Lake Michigan.  It’s so beautiful.  I leave the ear buds in to drown out the noise of the city.  It’s so peaceful, just listening to music and watching the waves.

While sitting there, I realize that I’ve left my phone at home.  Oh well.  I need to get away from everything.  I’m not ready to talk to Braxton yet.  I’m not sure if I want him to come home tonight.  If he does, he’ll be sleeping in the other bedroom.  I don’t want him in our bed with me.  Letting out a big sigh, I turn my head up towards the sky and close my eyes.  The only way this marriage is going to get fixed is if we work on it together.  In order to do that, I’m going to have to call him and talk to him.  The sooner we can work on it, the better.  I climb down from the wall.  I start running in the direction towards home.  I’ll call him when I get back, maybe.

By the time I get back home, I feel pretty relaxed and clear minded.  I walk into the house, tossing my iPod and keys into my purse.  Taking my phone out, I see that I have one new text message.  Opening the text message, I see that it’s from Braxton:

Hi, baby.  Just wondering if you got the gifts I sent you. 

I’m crossing my fingers that you’ll still talk to me.