The Bored Book

The Form (This Is For You Dresden)

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background
check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.

NAME:_________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH:____________________

HEIGHT:___________ WEIGHT:____________ I.Q.__________ GPA____________

SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________________________

DRIVERS LICENSE#___________________________ BOY SCOUT RANK:______________

HOME ADDRESS:____________________________________________________________

CITY/STATE_________________________________________ ZIP_________________

Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? yes? _______ no? ________

Number of years parents married:_________________________________________

Do you own a van? _________ A truck with oversized tires? ______________

A waterbed? _________ Tattoo? ____________ Wear your pants low? _________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring? _______________________

(IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU?
________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Congregation you attend:_________________________________________________

How often do you attend?_________________________________________________

When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends?
(supply phone numbers) __________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________

ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.

"If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is

________________________________________________________________________

"If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________

_________________________________________________________________________

"A woman's place is in the ______________________________________________

"The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________

_________________________________________________________________________

"When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________

_________________________________________________________________________

(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion.)

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, "SOLDIER ANT" TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, AND ELECTROCUTION.

___________________________________________ ________________
SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!) Date

Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don't call us, we'll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and "one-size-fits-all" cement shoes will notify you.

_________________________________________

Oops, look at time! I'm so sorry for not updating.

Shout out to everyone who reads! We reached 400!💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

Guess the Song Answer: Dance Monkey by Tones and I.

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