young & wild | chaeyu

thirty-three ; awkward

Jeongyeon felt yet another slice of guilt cut through her as she watched Nayeon smile at her brightly. Working with Nayeon again was making her realize how stupid and unfair she had been when she was away in Japan, missing the other girl so badly it messed up her judgement. Every time Jeongyeon felt herself start to feel comfortable and happy in Nayeon's presence again, she was reminded of she still felt like she owed something to Momo for leading her on so much only to change her mind in a heartbeat.

And then there were other moments where she forgot that she'd ever broken up with Nayeon, moments where they'd just burst into laughter over stupid mistakes, and Jeongyeon would get lost in the moment and the bunny-toothed smile of her fellow co-founder, but then she'd remember, like a sudden slap to the face.

It was slightly odd, Jeongyeon realized. She remembered how when they'd first had to work with each other post-breakup, when they picked out who was going to feature on Jihyo's single, Nayeon had been the more hesitant one. Truth to be told, Jeongyeon hadn't felt weird about it then, just slightly sad. But the roles had reversed themselves, and everything was messed up and upside down. Then again, that was becoming a familiar feeling, with the unexpected surge of success.

Nayeon's smile faded. "You okay?" she asked softly.

The younger of the two smiled half-heartedly in response. "I was just lost in time for a moment there," she admitted softly.

It didn't take long for Nayeon to translate the meaning behind her words. Jeongyeon had momentarily forgotten they'd ever broken up.

"I kinda miss it."

Jeongyeon didn't say anything in immediate response, pausing to ponder the meaning behind her words. What was she referring to? Does she miss us or does she miss the start of company? Or both? wondered Jeongyeon to herself.

But before Jeongyeon could muster the courage to say the words lingering at the end of her tongue, Nayeon turned away, back towards her dulling glowing laptop screen showing a list of tasks they'd successfully or unsuccessfully scheduled.

Jeongyeon bit her lip, but wasn't about to stop herself from blurting out the question plaguing her thoughts. "What do you miss?"

Nayeon didn't turn back to Jeongyeon, who felt herself slouch back into her chair, immediately regretting asking the question.

"I miss..." Nayeon paused, her voice hitching slightly, swiveling her chair in place to face Jeongyeon again. "Midnights where we'd be writing music, trying our hardest not to laugh too loud so we didn't annoy our neighbors. Days of tireless research and the uncertainty of the business, while you held my hand. All the times you'd try so hard to cook me food from scratch, only to end up driving to the grocery store for some cheap pre-made package. Shit like that. Times like that. That's what I miss. I miss the beginnings, Jeongyeon, but it's been too long to ever go back."

Jeongyeon felt breathless, and realized she'd been holding her breath, not wanting Nayeon to stop talking. "It's... It's not too late." The brunette swallowed nervously. "Is it..?" she asked hesitantly. She'd been trying, more and more lately, to imagine her life Nayeon-less, but the thought scared her. They'd relied on each other for so long... It made Jeongyeon wonder what she'd been thinking, to drop Nayeon just because of a little distance and a pretty trainee.

Slowly, Nayeon exhaled. Jeongyeon felt her heart race, and thoughts flitted aimlessly through her mind. God, she's so in control of me, Jeongyeon thought, to her own surprise. Even now, even here, I want to give her the world. I still... Jeongyeon couldn't bear to consciously finished the thought, but she knew deep down that it was true. She still loved Nayeon, and maybe she'd never stop.