The Barmaid - A One Direction/ Louis Tomlinson Fanfic

Chapter Fourteen

AN - well I uploaded waaaay quicker than planned!! I have been waiting for the right moment to talk about Grace's past, and I hope it is good enough!! I just wanted to say a MASSIVE thank you for getting me to 1000+ reads! omfg!! i love you guys so much! as always feedback would be LOVELY and vote/fan if you want! xxxxxx

PS - I also dedicated this to one of my bestest friends in the world! Go check out her story because tbh it is fricken amazing! Also i have another bezzie on wattpad who is writing a one direction fanfic which i am majorly excited for @sluttyliam, go read it!!!

Grace’s POV

*Flashback to previous chapter*

I took a deep breath, “Ok… Just please don’t hate me when it’s over…”

*End of previous chapter*

“Never…” Louis replied, his blue eyes never leaving mine for a moment.

“Ok, here goes nothing… Me and Kieran go back a long time, our Mum’s were friends and colleagues when we were in nursery. We were best friends and practically inseparable. Then in year 7 I met Henri, and we became extremely close, I guess Kieran must have felt jealous, left out…” I re-captured Louis’ gaze from where I had broken it when my story started, only to notice he hadn’t once taken his eyes off me, he nodded reassuringly.

“Anyway, Kieran and I met up one time in year 8 in the park we had gone to practically every day after school in middle school, but had kind of stopped once we had started high school and I had become even closer with Henri. He told me how-” stop shaking Grace you idiot  “He told me how he had started to have feelings for me. I laughed and brushed it off, calling him a ‘stupid knob’ who was just missing me too much, telling him that he didn’t really. Four years later and we are at a house party – Henri’s 17th birthday party – and she had managed to blackmail her older sister to get alcohol, and vacate the premises and her parents had booked a hotel room for the night so the house was adult free, every teenage party’s dream.”

I looked up at Louis apprehensively, not sure whether I really want to go on, but he just kisses my knuckles and mumbles “go on love,”

“Kieran and I were drunk, so drunk or else this wouldn’t have happened. You see Kieran had been suffering from a mental health issue for four years, the doctors said it was due to stress and not voicing his thoughts and feelings enough, it didn’t click then that I was probably the cause…” I stop and wipe a tear I hadn’t noticed drop from my eye and drip down towards my lap, “So that night, we had sex. Very drunk sex. I don’t remember much about it, except thinking this wasn’t what I wanted to be doing. No he wasn’t raping me, but I didn’t love him, to me he was more of a brother and it just felt wrong and disgusting. I got away as quickly as possible, said a very hasty goodbye to Henri and ran home, feeling dirty and like everyone knew I had fucked up.”

Louis shuffled slightly, so he was leaning against the wall and he pulled me towards him, so I was sitting cross legged facing him between his open legs, he pulled my hands so they were resting on his hips and kissed the tears from my face, he whispered in my ear “You don’t have to go on Grace if you don’t want to, not if it’ll make you sad…”

I smile tearfully at him.

I love him so much.

“No now I’ve started I need to tell you, I want to tell you… Three weeks later and I realise I’m a week late, and I had been having unusual mood swings. I begged Henri to go and buy me a pregnancy test between classes at college; because I couldn’t bear the mortifying looks I would receive buying it myself. She was so lovely, she went out and bought me two, skipped her last class to come with me back to mine. Whilst we were waiting for the correct amount of time to check the positivity, we sat down on this bed and I told her everything. She comforted me whilst I cried and I almost forgot to check the test, but Henri saw it over my shoulder and soon she was crying too, she wouldn’t let me look, she just ushered me back to the bathroom to pee on the other one, just to ‘double check’.”

Louis just looked down at me wide eyed, “And?”

“The next test said the same thing, and I knew I was pregnant with Kieran’s baby… I was furious at myself for getting into this situation in the first place, I wasn’t ready for a baby, even if I was, Kieran was not the man I am destined to have a family with. I thanked Henri for being there for me, but then I sent her home, telling her I was going to stay home and think things through, but really as soon as she left I got up and walked to Kieran’s. I arrived at his door, banging loudly – sobbing. He opened the door and just looked at me, the fucking bastard, he just stared at me! I screamed at him that he had ruined my life, and that he had planned this and how all he wanted to do was fuck up everything I had built for myself. I had done well in school, and was doing well in college, all my teachers I had ever had told me I had a bright future and I knew having a baby then – with a man I didn’t love – would mess it all up. I screamed and cried on his doorstep whilst he stood and fucking watched.”

I’m shaking; I know I’m shaking; but I don’t care.

Louis moved me into his lap, my head resting again his chest listening to his heart beat as he stroked my hair, cuddling me close, calming me as the tears started to skate down my face too quickly to wipe away.

“Then he just moved to the side, gestured into his house saying that we ‘needed to talk’ and I stormed in, screaming something like ‘well blatantly we do!’. I knew his parents weren’t home, after fifteen years I knew their work schedule – plus he was an only child. But we didn’t talk… As soon as the front door was closed he shoved me up against it, he glared at me, spat in my face and shouted at me, telling me I was a ‘whore who needed to be taught a lesson’.”

Louis pulled me closer if that was physically possible, as if he could somehow protect me from the past by hugging me tight enough.

“Grace stop, I don’t want to hear about you getting hurt… Please skip this bit.” He pressed his lips to my forehead, then just settled so our foreheads were resting together, so he could kiss away every tear.

“Ok… That day I went to my doctor and told him I need to sort this out, she referred me straight away to the hospital and I got a taxi from my doctors to the main hospital. I signed a few papers and that’s all it took. My signature on a few forms and then I went in to the ward. When I came out I wasn’t pregnant anymore, but I had killed his baby. The hospital referred him to a mental ward, followed by a year’s rehab, and I didn’t see him. I hadn’t seen him at all, until today… He is so pissed Louis and he has a good reason to, I killed his baby!”

Louis sat back quickly, just looking at me, he cupped my face gently, “Grace he does not have a good reason. He hurt you. The prick hurt you not only physically but emotionally! Yeah you may not have had his baby, but you weren’t ready! He wasn’t ready! It wouldn’t have been fair on you or the baby… None of this is your fault Boo. You are an amazing girl… You have to know that, you have to know how amazing you are and how much I love you, ok?”

My breath hitched.

“Louis I – I’m scared… So, so scared…”

“Grace, there is no need to be afraid. I won’t let him touch you.” Louis replied, staring deep into my eyes.

I leant in and kissed Louis forcefully on the lips, as I feel him start to respond I pull away just long enough to murmur “Ah fuck this shit, let’s get kinky…”

I felt him smirk against my lips as I push him down, head hitting the pillows and he smirked up at me expectantly, “I don’t think any of the other guys actually know how perverted you are!”

I started to lift his t-shirt, “Let me prove it.”