chapter 9

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A/n : this is the chapter you've all been waiting for , I'm truly sorry for this everyone , I hope this makes up for my tardiness with updating 😓
PS: school has been exhausting lately . I'm trying to focus on my studies atm.
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   Jungkook POV :
Once we arrived to the dance studio I scuttered out of the van and held my bag close to me as I was the last one to get out of the car , then I proceeded to follow my hyungs inside the building trailing behind them like a lost puppy .

We were all quiet making our way to that mirrored square room that always managed to make me suffocate just by thinking about it .
When we entered , we were greeted by our choreographer , and some staff that were doing things I didn't even care about , we bowed politely and greeted everyone like the humble boys we are , then I went to dispose my bag against the wall and got my water bottle ready by its side , then I stood in the middle of the practice room thinking of ways to make it out alive from here after 11hours of dancing .

I was already feeling exhaustion consume my body but tried to ignore it nonetheless ,and soon after started stretching when the members joined me .
I decided to  run around the room to warm up a little but as soon as I started the real stretching I felt my muscles tense and the pain that surged through my spine , legs and hands made me screw my eyes shut because it was almost unbearable , so I faked that I was stretching until the choreographer announced that we were about to start .

I stood in the middle of the studio again because I was the center and was clearly supposed to lead , so when the music was turned on , I ignored the pain in my body and moved gracefully making no mistakes while I put all of my energy into it .

As soon as the music stopped and the second song was on ,I felt like I was floating in the air kinda , my body felt so heavy yet so light at the same time , all kind of energy had been sucked out of my body , but I had to go on to avoid burdening anyone so we could go home earlier .
I kept on dancing like there was no tomorrow to four songs , I admit , I did a great job faking it , but as soon as the dance instructor gave us a small break I immediately laid on the floor with the others , but my state was so much worse than theirs , my chest heaved up and down at a rapid pace , and I tried to breathe properly with the enormous amount of sweat that coated my body .

I felt so hot and bothered and my heart beat still didn't calm down, by now all of the members went to use their phones as they laid their backs on the wall , and I was the only one that was struggling to get my breathing back to normal .

I closed my eyes for a second and felt how much they stung from tiredness and lack of sleep , my body begged for me to rest but I shut down all the voices inside of my head and slowly got up stumbling a little because my vision wasn't steady, and made my way to my water bottle as I chugged half of it feeling slightly better because of how dehydrated I was .

By then , the instructor called us again informing us that the break was over ,
so I stood in the middle of the room all over again with a fuzzy mind , my eyes kept going in and out of focus which led me to spacing out .
The members at that time were busy getting details about the choreos ,as time passed by I felt even more worn out and it worried me the way my legs shook like jelly . I knew that this wasn't going to end well , the only thing that I desired at that moment was to lay down on a bed and sleep till this uneasiness disappeared.

I tried to keep myself steady though and not lose my shit as a new song started playing and everyone started moving ," oh hell no ". I thought, because I felt like my own body was shutting down on me , I lost complete control over it .

I moved carelessly to the wrong side and stumbled upon jhope disturbing the whole choreo and as a result he pushed me roughly away from him , fuming in anger at the fact that we had to repeat the same dance from the beginning because of me .

I felt so guilty and worthless looking at the eyes of my hyungs that held so much anger and annoyance , I kept on looking at the floor afraid of the horrible things they might say to me and especially jhope , he's so scary when he's mad .

To my relief , he didn't say anything ,but he kept on glaring at me , making me want to shrunk and disappear , the same song played again as we went back to the same formation and started dancing , but my mind was elsewhere because I was too focused on not messing up again .

That was obviously the calm before the storm , but I'm already too fucked up to end up getting scolded by a stressed out jhope , that would ruin me .

The song was almost done with , and I felt proud of making no other mistakes , when suddenly while walking backwards to change my position , the foot of someone makes me fall with a loud thud on the tiled floor , and at that moment I knew I fucked up , I was doing so well "why ?" I whispered to myself "why now ?".

I didn't even have time to think about the pain that the fall caused to my already damaged and weak body , when i felt someone hold me by the collar as I was  slightly lifted from the floor and greeted by no other than jimin this time .
I prepared myself to the shit I got myself into and prayed that I wouldn't die from the sharp looks everyone gave me .

" I think I'm going to give up soon " .
"I feel like dying inside honestly".
" I feel so broken and empty ".
" I can't bottle all of these emotions any longer " .
"stay strong jungkook you've been holding on for years so why now ?".

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