The Lightning Queen

Chapter 4

Mare

Today is his wedding it didn't hurt yesterday knowing he was getting married. Probably because I didn't want to believe it.

I wonder if I was able to breathe life into him, as he did with me. I suppose I did. Love is changeable but it can never be lost. Our special type of love is gone and only a spark, reaped from pure loyalty and hope can reignite that flame. Sadly that would also take the art of willfulness.

But it's so real I feel like I can allow myself to grieve, but this time not out of frustration but heartbreak.

I blame it on timing, I blame it on the way the world the works and I blame it on the human condition to fall in love with a fiction but last and not least I blame myself. The sad part is my expectations of a relationship is are low.

I locked the doors. I don't want anyone to see me today. I feel as though they will pity me. I don't want their pity.

I contemplate whether or not to go running but everyone will look at me. Your lover is getting married today. How do you feel about that?

Just peachy.

Or maybe, they won't and it'll be my paranoia acting up. I suspect paranoia. 

Maybe tonight I'll go running when there's no one on the track.

Tears crawl up but they remain unshed.

If he really loves me he'll fly to Montfort right now and declare his undying love for me.

Don't be that stupid.

Even I know I'm not enough for him and then there goes the first tear. His duties and loyalties are embedded with his birthright.

It is easy to make myself feel  inadequate. Maybe because I was never enough for someone I loved to choose me. I hold the earrings he gave me in my hands. Red like his fire and red like my blood.

I start sobbing like a little girl. I sink the pointy end of the earring into my hand. I'm just fascinated by the blood but I'll never hurt myself anymore than this, no man is worth my scars.

Gisa

I know she's in there crying. I stand by the door hearing her sobs and sniffles.

The door is locked. I have the spare key in my hand. I don't know if I should use it or not but if I'm going to do this I'm going to do it the right way.

Mare

I cried so much I actually fell asleep and there's a bandage on my hand covering the puncture wound I gave myself.

Reluctantly I pull myself up. Seeing Farley, Mom and Gisa standing there I put on the strongest smile.

"Is everything okay?" My eyes are puffy and my skin feels hot like I'm developing a fever.

"Your hand was bleeding Mare." Farley voice actually cracks and tear slips down her cheek.

I realize I'm still holding his earrings.

I place them back into the box.

"What time is it?" I look to the clock next to my bed. 6:38 p.m. its probably dark out so I'll go for a run.

I change into my running gear and sit on the bed as I tie my laces.

"Where are you going?" Mom demanded. Everyone except Gisa is frightened I'll hurt myself. I guess its Mama bear instincts.

"I'm going running." I tie my hair into a messy bun. "Alone." I add.

I run out of the house so fast and head down to the track. I don't know how long it has been but my legs feel as though I've been running for hours but my mind feels as though it's been five minutes.

I'm panting and my heart is beating so fast I feel like I might die.

I cry so much I feel hungry and sick and tired so I continue walking back home. Guess who's going to feel sore tomorrow.

How can he make me feel so empty and stupid. The both of them made a fool out of my heart.

I hear multiple clicks coming from behind a tree. That scares the hell out me. I call for my lightning and investigate my surroundings.

There's nothing there.

When I finally get home Mom washes up the dishes with Tramy.

"Mare sweetheart, your dinners in the fridge." I grab my dinner and go to my room. The smell is amazing.

I place it on top my desk and take a shower. My legs feel like they weigh 1000 lbs and my heart feel sore and broken.

I sound like a little girl with a broken heart. I should have learnt by now. I stand under the water finally able to cry.

Maven told me to hide my heart, I should have listen this time. The first time I was naive but ths second time I was purely stupid.

What did I learn about the first time I got my heart broke: I'll find someone else.

And how did I ever get over Maven: I haven't yet.

His betrayal feels the worst because, I trusted and loved him so much and then he killed people- like me and his own father and I guess I feels so drawn to him because there's a part of him I understand.

The tears never stop I guess this is how it feels like dealing with your feelings.

The one thing I'm glad for is that my family and friends chose to leave me alone today. I really needed some alone time.

When I'm finished I dry my hair and take Gisa's silk pajamas. She won't mind we always share. It's a little tight though.

I grab my dinner and sit alone in my bed eating like the world ends tomorrow. Who knew being depressed made me hungry. Plus the chicken's really good and the mashed potatoes are great not to mention the rice is amazing; mom must be trying something new. There's a letter by my desk how did I not see this. I wipe my fingers and looks at the crest it's from Maven. It can only be him. Letters aren't Cal's thing.

I opened the letter, before I read it I bet he's about to say that Cal left me and he's the only person that understands me. I'm his blah blah blah but most importantly he's going to sink the knife deeper. I continue eating while reading.

Dear Mare,

I lied when I said that I would not kill him but unfortunately for him his new father-in-law is dead but he remains alive holding his territory with his new wife, I'll send a congratulations letter to both of them from us. I hope your well and not too sad. A women as beautiful and pure as you are shouldn't cry over garbage. He never deserved you but to be fair I don't either but that doesn't mean I don't want you. Don't cry over him your tears are to valuable and only meant for me.

Sincerely,
Maven, King of Norta, Flame of the North.

I did not know he would begin acting crazy and this obsessed again when he found out I did not kill his mother but that does not mean he didn't portray that behaviour when I was his prisoner but now he doesn't have a reason to be angry with me.

Well aleast Cal isn't dead but I almost choked when I read Volo Samos was dead. My mind drifts to Evangeline, she must be heartbroken.

I flip the letter over its dated: today, someone just put this in my room. Does he have someone spying on me?

I doubt it, Montfort is the most secured place I know. There's absolutely no way.