The Tour Life Bites

Chapter 11: The Angel

    I had wasted a while of my life, feeling sorry for myself and crying over what happened but after tour and I was left to the mercy of my own thoughts while Pierce Avenue was in the studio. What had happened went down so long ago yet it still haunted my thoughts and sometimes made me suddenly waken at night in tears. While on tour I was always with someone and they had taken my mind off of what happened but now it seemed I was always alone. This had tricked me into believing that I was over what happened, that it wouldn’t haunt my mind anymore but as seen by the terrible nightmares I had every night I was far from okay.

     I always felt like a burden to my friends now, I was always depressed and looking for attention, acting out in silly ways like “accidentally” breaking a dish in the kitchen so I would have some interaction with others.

    I couldn’t help everyday when I looked in the mirror thinking that James had won, he finally reduced me to the scared, disturbed little human he always wanted me to be. It was these thoughts plus me calling myself pathetic every waking moment that finally led to my decision. I needed to harden my heart. Give the impression of a happy little human while never letting anyone close to me again. If I turned off my feelings I would no longer feel the hurt I caused myself and from others. This switch took a lot of time to master and truly no longer feel my pain but finally I was able to make it work and when this happened everyone assumed I was back to normal. There was no longer a question in anyone’s minds wether I was okay or not and I like it that way. Yes, it left me even more alone and in a place where no one understood how I felt but that frustration was better then making them worry all the time.

     A month after my first tour had ended we were already packing for another one. It was Loud Mouth, the biggest mixed tour to date and with it brought excitement and anxiety for everyone. I feared being on another tour with Despite Midnight, where I’d surely run into them a lot but I didn’t let it show. Even thought Pierce Avenue supported human rights, they were still reds and therefore putting us on the same side and James which had everyone a little on edge. 

   Before every big tour it was tradition to throw a pre-tour party where one host band would throw a huge bash that included every band on the tour. Pierce Avenue decided to host and needless to say, they needed to go rent a space because there was no way in hell 70 plus bands were going to fit in our little apartment. They didn’t tell me much about the party as they quickly planned it within the span of one short week. They didn’t even tell me it was a costume party until the day of! But I think Victor did it on purpose, he said he wanted to get me a costume and quite frankly, I was scared, lord knows what he had up his sleeve. 

   That night, the party was about to begin and I still didn’t know what I was going to be so I was doing as much of my hair and makeup as I could get away with without having a possible theme problem later. 

   We were already at the venue because we had showed up early to set up and change later so now with only 10 mins until I was left pacing alone in the dressing room. Finally there was a knock on the door and I ran to it, flinging it open with eager anticipation to find Victor standing there with a big dress bag and a dorky grin to match. 

    “Good evening Chica.” He smiled, his composure suddenly turning into one of a gentleman. “I’m here with your beautiful selection for the evening.” He said waving a theatrical hand in front of the bag to play it up.

   “Your such a dork!” I giggled, snatching the bag from him and slamming the door. Despite the door slam he was intent on presenting his selection and came in anyways. I had laid the bag on the table and unzipped it to find a beautiful dress. 

   It was pure white and short, ending about the knee with a sweet-heart neckline. Flowery, black lace ran across the middle and climbed up one side while in the exact middle sat a pure black sash.