New Life (Sanders Sides fanfic)

Keep Me Chill

(Luna's Point of View)
(Luna is Virgil's sister)
(She is 14 years old)
(Read this chapter slowly for a better experience)

Ah, rain. It's so calming, I love it. Sometimes I like to sit outside and watch it. My brother comes along when he wants to as well.

Virgil can't play with his friends today because it's raining, and since it is currently Saturday, November 9th, I have no school today.

I went outside to the front yard and sat on the porch swing watching and listening. It was so calming to just watch one drop of water land, and then another. Occasionally they land on my face, and the coldness of the drops made me smile slightly, as it sent a small, and tingly chill down my spine.

No one knew where I was- that is, except for my little brother Virgil. That was nice, because no one would bother me if they thought I was in my room.

I started humming to one of my favorite songs, "Hey Little Girl" as I pondered life. I thought about what I do to myself, which made me feel bad, I felt guilt run through my veins- which if I kept feeling guilty it would happen again and I would bleed.

I would try to get rid of the guilt by pushing more on top of it. Well not today. I quickly blocked out "those thoughts" and thought about more pleasant things.

I thought about my brother, Virgil. I love him, so much. He is always happy, 'Something you'll never be!' My mind screamed at me.

I winced, 'Its gonna happen again' I told myself, but I kept thinking. He has lovely friends, 'Something you'll never have!'  My mind told me. 'No No, you have friends,' I told myself, 'they are lying! Your mind is lying!'

And he has a lovely smile. He makes me feel at ease. I love him.

Then I thought about my parents. Mom. She always try's to please others, and make them feel welcomed, but no matter how hard she try's, I will never feel welcomed. I frowned at that, but I guess that's okay...   She works hard, and takes care of her loved ones. I love her.

And dad. He is great as well. He always lightens the mood with his, "dad jokes" and makes me feel good. He also works really hard to take care of the family- I respect and love that, and him.

Then I thought about Katie- my bff. I felt a warmth to my face as I thought about her. She is the only person who knows what I do to myself, and why I always wear long sleeves, and what I think about. She helps with my panic attacks and my anxiety. She also knows how to cheer me up. I know she will always stay by my side. I...I love her.

'She will NEVER love you! Hah! You're just a worthless piece of trash!' My mind went on, 'Nobody would care if you disappeared into thin air!'

I whimpered, "S-stop, please stop" I felt tears sting my eyes. My mind only talks when it wants make me cry or something. 'Why should I? You know it is true!' I sighed. " It's true. No one could love me" I heard myself say.

Then I heard the front door handle turning. I quickly wiped my eyes and pretended that I was just watching the rain. I pretended that I wasn't sad, that I'm not thinking wrong, that I'm not hiding the truth.

"Honey? What are you doing out here, it's raining?" My mom asked. " O-oh...I...I'm watching the rain.." I stuttered.

My mom looked a bit amused. "Why?" "I- uh... it c-calms me down...it's... soothing." I stuttered.

"That's great that you found something soothing, dear." she said enthusiastically.

"Where ya' going?" I asked.

"Off to the store, Luna." She said, "Bye." Then with that, she walked through the rain, and into the car.

"Hey sissy!" A bubbly lil' Virgil said a little loudly, while walking over to sit on porch swing with me.

"Hey, buddy" I said in equal tone of voice. We sat in silence, in each others arms for awhile, until mom came home and asked to come inside for dinner.

(After dinner and stuff)
I walked to my room, going inside, and closing the door. I sighed, walking over to my desk.

(After 30 minutes)
"Oh my goat, it's perfect" I said, with a smile. "I will hold onto this until the right time comes... guess there's no avoiding it.."

I walked over to my window and held the note to my chest, while looking at the moon. "It's only a matter of time..." I said, slightly smiling.

Hello, fellow readers, author here! And yes that is a Hamilton reference FITE ME!

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