Weird Times

year long headache

Everything really is my fault; All this fucking shit. What the fuck is my problem.

This song hurts. I can remember walking to the park listening to it. I liked it because it was beautiful, not because I really related to it, but now that has also changed. I've never as much just wanted to disappear. Everything right now is my fault. Right now I'm stuck in the hole I made, and it's been ages since I've seen the top.

For the love of god I just want to be okay. Now days I'm desperate for any hope. I just want someone to tell me it's okay, and that your going to do well. I'm selfish and I fucking know that. That's why I'm such a teacher pet. Even if it's a little bit of praise, or good words it just makes me feel better. I'm so envious of the people around me doing better and being so happy. I'm sick of these fucking thoughts. I know they deserve, and they probably should. But that doesn't stop me from just being so mad and sad.
I know I sound like a selfish person, and maybe I am, but I don't care at this point. God for years and years I've just wanted someone to tell me it's fine, that I'm okay, and that I'm not going to die, or that I'm good, but no. I just never happens, and I just come off as desperate and a weirdo.

my dear readers

I hope your doing better than me
If your not then I'm sorry, and I hope
You'll get better
If your ever stressed, sad or just feel
Like shit, put down your phone and just breath.
Sometimes we all just need to remember that
Some of the best medicine for our minds
Is just to relax and be calm
Lastly I want you to know that I love you all ♥️