Step Brother 2: Jealousy (Completed)

Thirty One

R

It was a strange feeling arriving back home to England. I couldn't put my finger on why, but it didn't feel very much like home. I almost had an intense sense of sadness here, something I never had here before. Like something bad happened here? I couldn't make sense of it.

Weeks turned into months, and I grew unhappier more each day.

I thought about returning back to America, but something held me back.

All I knew was I was missing something. It was like life was never going to be the same again, and I was so lost.

I done what I'd usually do. I went out, I drank, and I had more one night stands than hot dinners. Although one night stands were the norm for me, and I have never caught feelings from one, they left me more empty now than ever. It was like I couldn't enjoy it even in the slightest.

It's all led me down a dark, and lonely path. A path of self destruction.

I began messing about with cocaine to ease the pain I felt in my mind, and my heart.

Now I'm in the club with my mates, while some brunette is sitting on my lap, as she pushes her tits into my face, I can feel myself grow more angry inside.

I shove her off me, with a look of disgust.
My mates look at me confused, and shocked.

I put my hand, signalling for them not to speak, as I make my way outside for a smoke.

I've always been tough, yet right now I can feel myself holding back unneeded tears.
I turn to the wall slamming my fist into it.

"Why the fuck do I feel like this?" I ask myself aggressively out loud. There is people around me staring, but I'm so wrapped up in my anger they may as well not exist.

Out of nowhere, I can hear myself speak, but I'm not saying a word. I can hear it over, and over again in my head.

I'm shouting at someone "that's my girl, and if you don't leave her alone, I'll split every one of you." My girl. It repeats over, and over, yet it makes no sense.

My girl? But, I've never ever considered any girl, or woman mine, nor me theirs. Yet, I feel like I've lost something, something I didn't know I had? This isn't me. I'm not that person. I don't love, and I don't get attached.

...

I go with Andrea to her place. She doesn't waste time, as soon as we get there she quickly strips. I pound her hard, but images keep popping into my head, making me pound her harder, hoping somehow the images will disappear, but they don't, and I can't finish.

I see a big bright smile, so big, so happy.

But then..

I see tears, so many of them. Tears that make me want to cry, even though they're not mine.

I see pain, I can't explain it, but I see so much pain.

And, my mind can't handle it all, so I just quickly get dressed and leave, without any explanation.

I walk, and I walk, not knowing where to go, all I know is right now, I can't go home.

The only person I can talk to is my dad, but I don't want him worrying, so instead I take out my phone and I call the next person, that although I know a long time, I don't remember much, but if dad can trust her so can I.

"Hello? Rome?" She says with a horse voice. Then I remember it's 4am. Shit.

"Bree, I'm sorry. I didn't realise the time. I just.. It's.. I don't know what's happening me." I blurt, making no sense at all.

"Slow down, Rome. It's okay. Talk to me. What's going on?"

"I keep remembering things, but they're fuzzy. I can't make them out. I feel like I'm going crazy." I light up a smoke, trying desperately to calm myself.

"Okay, tell me. Maybe I can help?"

"I.. I hear myself saying my girl. But it makes no sense, because I never had a real girlfriend, that I loved. And then, I feel like something is missing, like I'm missing something. I just don't know what to do."
I try so hard, but I break down. I'm not a man that cries, but right now I can't console myself, I can't be strong. I just let the tears out. Never, have I ever felt like this before.

"Oh Rome. You're missing something, or someone, but the doctors said you needed to figure out your memories yourself. That we shouldn't push you, but trust how you're feeling. That's all I can say. I hope in time you can remember, that you can remember them."

THEM?

...

Loreto just turned 5 months old, and to say motherhood has been a roller-coaster in itself would be an understatement. I was lucky though, because Kaida was amazing with him. The bond they had melted my heart to goo.

It took me 3 months to adapt with the change in my life. 3 months to come around to accepting that Rome was out of my life. 3 months to come to terms with the fact our son would grow up without his father. His amazing father. It saddened me, even up to today. I just found it easier to deal with my heavy heart. I found it easier to hold back the tears, and instead I'd mastered faking a smile.

I was happy though, don't get me confused. How could I not? My kids were happy, and healthy. I knew Rome was alive, living his life. Mom, and Ronaldo were safe, and Sabrina and her children were too.

Today was my first day without the kids, Mom forced me to take a "me day" and pamper myself. I appreciated the thought, however all I wanted was to be cuddled up on the sofa with my children. But, she wouldn't take no for an answer. So here I am, at a coffee shop, sitting down sipping my coffee, while scrolling through my Facebook, when I see a familiar face.

I turn away quickly, trying hard not to be seen. It's not that I don't want to see him, it's just I haven't seen him since me and Logan separated. I wouldn't know what to say, or how to say it. So I slouch down on my chair hoping he won't see me.

And, I'm thankful when he sits behind me, not noticing me, that is until my stupid phone rings, causing him to turn around.

It's like he knows me too well, even when it comes to looking at the back of my head.

"Kate?" He says happily. But, I don't turn, and I don't speak, hoping he will assume I'm somebody else.

"I know it's you." I sigh, who was I kidding.

I turn around, plastering on a fake smile.
"Hey Nate." I say calmly. "You aren't fooling me." He says raising his eyebrow, while crossing his arms. "Excuse me?" I say shrugging full of confusion. "I know that fake smile all too well." I don't reply, I just look at him. I never realised that he ever paid that much attention to me. I always thought if anything he never noticed those small details, that he looked through me, rather than at me.

"It's not fake." I say trying hard to sound convincing. He leans over and barely touches my cheek with his fingertips. "Kate, what's going on? Something is bothering you. I can tell." He says with such a calm relaxing voice. I almost open up, but then I remember, all the hurt. And I know I shouldn't, because since Rio, this isn't the first time we've met, or spoke. So I don't understand myself, why out of nowhere I'm holding it against him.

"I know those eyes. Please don't, I'm sorry." He says like he's reading me like a book. I look at him, deep into his eyes, telepathically asking him how he manages to read me like that. "How could I not know you, how could a man not look at you, spend so long with you, and not be able to see through that hard exterior you like to wear? I can see you're hurt, and if you need to release it, you can release it on me. It's nothing I don't deserve, Kate. Either way, I just want to be here for you."

Just as I'm about to open up to him, I receive a call from an unknown number.