Age 11 - The school year has ended.
Once school commences again, I'll be in the 6th grade. It was summer break, and the bus finally dropped me off at my stop. I started heading home and began recalling my day and making myself even more excited. I confirmed 100% that I like girls. I mean, I've always looked at girls and thought they were pretty. I would regularly feel nervous if they looked at me or talked to me. Not to mention, boys are stupid and so annoying. I just don't pay attention to them. I've always been this way since I could remember.
During my P.E. Class this afternoon, Julie pulled me aside and told me that she thought I was cute and hoped that I would have a great summer. She hugged me, and as we pulled away, she quickly gave me a peck on the lips and ran off. I just stood there baffled and bewildered but very pleased. I knew I had a goofy grin on my red, flushed face; I could feel it. I couldn't help it; it felt right. This moment was unquestionably the determining factor in understanding that I was a Lesbian.
Reaching this point of clarity in myself made me feel so euphoric, I began to take more significant steps to get home faster. I quite wanted to scream it from the rooftops. As I opened the front door and walked inside, I could smell my mother's cooking. I think it's Sfeeha. Sfeeha is a traditional Lebanese dish, described as a meat pie, and my mother forever uses lamb. It remained my favorite meal, and I was so famished from all the excitement today. I knew my mother would be in the kitchen, and my father sat on the recliner, watching a sports game. I don't do sports. I'm timid and clumsy. It's best if you let the more coordinated play sports. I slightly shook my head, chuckling at myself for thinking such things.
I sat down on the couch beside my father. "Hi, daddy," I said to him. He glanced over at me for a second, and then his attention returned to the game. I suppose I should leave him alone then.
"Mia, get me a beer." He ordered. I nodded and got up, heading into the kitchen.
"Hi, mommy!" I happily said, greeting my mother as I opened the refrigerator to get my dad his beer.
"Well, someone's excited today." She responded as she pulled a second batch of the delicious meat pastries from the oven. The aroma filled the kitchen and made my mouth water instantly. I nodded and sat at the dinner table.
"I am," I replied. My mom looked at me.
"Go give your dad his beer, then come back." My mom said. I nodded, did what she asked of me, and returned to her as quickly as possible.
"Can I tell you why I am happy?" I asked her when I sat back down.
"Go on, child, say it because if you don't, you look as though you might burst." My mom stated while looking at me, waiting for me to speak up.
"I like girls, mommy. Today, Julie kissed me on the lips, and it made me so content. It felt right, and I needed to tell you about it." I said to her, proudly, in an attempt to gauge her reaction. I couldn't read the look in her eyes. Her whole attitude shifted in a matter of seconds, and my happy feeling started to decrease as my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I don't understand what is happening. She looks so livid. What went wrong?
"ELIAS, COME INTO THE KITCHEN RIGHT NOW. WE NEED TO HAVE A DISCUSSION WITH OUR SINFUL DAUGHTER!" My mom screamed so loudly, my ears rang. Why did she call me sinful? What did I do wrong?
"Okay? I'm here. What is so damn important that you interrupted me from watching the game, Ali?" My father questioned impatiently.
"Well, our daughter just confessed that she likes girls. She is a GAY, LESBIAN, FAGGOT, ELIAS!" I looked over at my mom, my eyes tearing up as she said those words about me. I don't get it.
"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS MIA?!" My dad shouted in my direction. I looked at both my parents in their eyes and then slowly looked down, attempting to avoid all of their undesirable, hateful, and disgusted glares.
"YOU ARE NOTHING BUT AN ABOMINATION, MIA!" My father then exploded. Immediately, making me wince at his tone.
"You have decided to live in sin. How could you!? How could you do this to us, to God? You should be ashamed of yourself!" He bitterly added.
"Go to your room while we figure out what to do about this." My mom ordered, but she didn't even try to look at me. So, I did as they asked and went into my room. I promptly laid on my bed and started crying my eyes out. They hate me. I'm their daughter. How can they say those things about me? Is being a Lesbian that wrong? Do I have to change who I am?
Those were the only thoughts I could form as the tears slid down my face. After nearly an hour of crying, I somehow dozed off for an additional thirty minutes. I awoke with a killer headache and blurred vision, stumbling my way through my room. I tripped over my art box, knocking all of the contents to the floor. I knelt and began picking up pencils, graphite pencils, rulers, erasers, and everything else. I placed each item tediously in their correct locations, then I swiftly noticed my Exacto knife, which is the last item that I needed to put away. Instead, I grabbed it, and carelessly walked into the bathroom.
I took a minute and washed my face with cold water in an attempt to get rid of the redness and puffy eyes from crying, and sat on the toilet. I hate myself for making my parents feel this way. I pulled my pants down and stared at my thigh absentmindedly. I grasped the Exacto knife and unsheathed it. All I deserve now is this pain. Will this be my only happiness now? I began cutting myself without a second thought. Every cut gave me a sense of release. Somehow, it made me feel better. So, I blindly kept cutting until my thigh felt so sensitive. I zoned out. Every movement I made felt like it came from a stranger. I didn't feel I was physically or mentally aware, and I did not realize how much I cut until I saw blood trailing from my thigh, landing on the tile below me. Crap, I need to clean up before my parents suspect anything. Would they even care?
I used a wet rag to clean the blood from my thigh before I bent down and wiped the blood from the floor. Following that, I chose to take a shower and wash the cuts I caused. I don't need them to get infected. After my shower, I returned to my bed and fell asleep. I wasn't hungry, and to be honest, I did not want to face my parents either.
The next morning, I woke up hearing rustling sounds from my parents going around my room, collecting my clothes. I observed them while they shoved everything into a duffel bag. When they finished, my mother went downstairs and took the bag with her. My father glared at me with so much hatred in his eyes before shaking his head, following my mom. They won't even speak to me now...
I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and proceeded to go downstairs to see what my parents were doing. As soon as I reached the last step on the staircase, my father spoke up.
"Get the fuck out of our house! You don't belong here anymore, and you are no longer our daughter. You are a disgrace to God!" My father spoke with such rage and bitterness in his voice.
"W-hat am I g-going to d-do? Where am I going to l-live?" I stuttered as I spoke; the tears began streaming down my face with haste. At this point, I was utterly frightened and upset.
"I don't care. Now, GET OUT!" My father yelled. I glanced over to my mom to see if I could persuade her to allow me to stay. She didn't look at me. I can't believe this is happening.
"M-mommy, please... don't make me leave, I'm sorry!" I pleaded.
"You heard him. LEAVE MIA!" She shouted without looking my way still. I gradually picked up the duffel bag and stepped out of my childhood home, never to go back.
YOU ARE READING
Mia
Teen Fiction[Book 1 of the Mia Series] This story is about Mia and the struggles she deals with throughout her senior year in high school. Unfortunately, she has had no choice but to survive many obstacles in her life up to this point. Mia's biological parents...
