Immortals || H.S.

XVI

Tina–

I guess the only feeling I was experiencing at these moments of loss was uncertainty. I was uncertain about everything going on around me; I was uncertain if he would come back again in one piece; I was uncertain about how I should react, whether show my real emotions and break down the way I wanted to in front of almost every member or just keep on putting up the stable and unemotional façade of mine. I was uncertain whether I should cry or smile and pretend that I was not affected the littlest bit; whether to go and search for him or just wait in my place for his return… if he returns, that is.

I was breaking apart internally. But the thing was that I wanted to peel off my hardcore layer of skin which was forcing all of my unnerved feelings bottled up inside of me. I wanted to peel off that thick, suffocating layer before I explode.

Harry was taken (by Eagles, no doubts) and he has been kept hostage for three days and two nights now. It was driving me mad, to be quite honest, and I wasn’t coping all too well. Every passer-by would look at my eyes and see the wildness they consumed within, and the bloodshot red color surrounding my iris. I was wrecked physically, but emotionally, I have been keeping for myself. Everyone around me wondered why I was so calm and well-kept, but they just hadn’t seen me at night in my own bedroom. I wasn’t worried sick, because I knew well enough Harry would take very good care of himself and besides, Eagles don’t have the guts to capture and kill any one of us because they know that in that way, they’d be waging a war they’d loose.

It was just that I was feeling like all the happiness that he had built up inside of me after years of numbness and grieves was now being sucked out gradually and painfully. And, I was slowly falling into the deepest depth of the darkest abyss which I would never get out of. What worried me though was the fact that I knew if I fell, I would get stuck for an eternity of forever… and I may never heal or recover from the side-effects it’d inflict on me. I would’ve not cared if I fell or got my heart ruined to ashes approximately four months ago, but now he’s here, with me, and I cannot afford to loose him… or myself. I love Harry, and I’d do just anything to get him back. And, I promise to let him know how I feel the moment I see him; no cowering away or trying to remain hardcore. I couldn’t care less about my façade right now.

“You should’ve never let them take him.” I spoke lowly over to Niall as I rested my head between my hands, preventing everyone in the room from seeing the tears streaming down Augustina Travis’s face.

I heard shuffling before he spoke up saying, “I told you a thousand times that it was out of my hands, Tina! I was pinned for Christ’s sake, what you wanted me to do?!” Bellowed Niall angrily, his voice’s octave so high that my headache worsened.

At his spoken words, I removed my hands from around my whole head and stood to my feet. Everyone silenced at my horrendous state; even Louis kept his sassy comments for himself. “You should’ve done anything, Niall, anything! He’s gone now; gone! Is that the bravery we talk about here in our fraternity? Is this manhood?” I shouted at the top of my lungs, my voice breaking at the end and sobs started emitting past my slightly opened lips. I was breaking down publicly. I was damaging the walls I have built myself.

“I told him not to go, I fucking told him to not risk his life for my ass. But he was lured forcefully by them, what could I have possibly done? Suicide and not come back in here without your Harry?”