A Flower's Nudity

1

God knows I already did my best to stop myself. This tiny control in my head has already reached its limit. My lips twitched and the veins of my neck turned evident.

I wasn't able to stop myself anymore. In front of her naturally friendly face, I raised my middle finger and clearly mouthed, "Fuck you."

Hindi siya nagulat. Isang buntonghininga na may kasamang ngiti ang kanyang pinakawalan. Sa kanya lang ako nakakakita ng ganyang klase ng reaksiyon. Natapos nang murahin at lahat-lahat ay nagagawa pa rin niyang ngumiti at manatiling kalmado.

"Ate, you know we can't fuck each other."

Mas lalo akong nainis sa naging tugon niya. "You're sick."

"Severely," Hyacinth replied. "But my condition may turn critical, I know what I'm saying. Our parents would not be pleased to see you—"

"Your parents," I cut her off.

"If I were you, I better leave," she continued like she didn't hear anything. "Baka kung ano na naman ang mangyari dito at madagdagan na naman ang galit nila sa'yo. I can now predict the possible outcomes of your presence. This is for your own sake, Ate."

Pagak akong tumawa, siniguro kong nakakainis iyon. "Wew, Hyacinth is playing like a saint. Should I praise you now?"

"Ate—"

"Oh, shut up. Since when did your opinion matter? I am already good at algorithm during those times that you still cry for a pacifier."

Nilampasan ko na siya at dumiretso na sa hagdanan. The sound of my stilletos every time they kiss the floor echo inside this oceanic mansion. I'm still in the midst of the staircase when a familiar irritating sound suddenly came to my senses—the arrival of my father and his new wife.

Nang huminto na ang tunog ng sasakyan sa may garahe ay dali-dali na akong umakyat papasok sa pinto ng aking kuwarto. Inilapag ko lahat ng bagahe ko sa tabi ng aking king-sized bed. I jumped into it, my body bounced due to my foamy mattress. What a feeling! Damang-dama ko ang pagod ko, physically and emotionally. Pakiramdam ko ay mangingisay ako nang wala sa oras kapag hindi ako makakapagpahinga.

Ang kaso, hindi rin nagtagal ay naistorbo na ang medyo nanahimik kong buhay. Saktong mahuhulog na ang talukap ng aking mata nang makarinig ako ng mga nag-uusap sa kabilang bahagi ng pintuan. Kusang umikot ang mata ko.

Let the showdown begin.

Kumatok sila. "Come in," I responded. I am not locking my room. No one dares to enter without my permission, anyway. Even my father is not allowed to do so and he is completely aware of that.

"Who gave you the audacity to enter the place where you're not welcome?" In his usual baritone voice, my father spoke.

"No one." I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm tired, you may now leave."

"At saan ka kumuha ng kapal ng mukha, Heather?"

Pilit sumilay ang matamis na ngiti sa aking labi, sinubukan ko itong minanipula upang hindi mahalata ang kusang pangangasim ng aking mukha.

I just arrived from abroad, and it's obvious that no one wants me to be home. Since things happened, nagbago na ang trato sa akin ni daddy. At mula rin noon ay nagsimula na akong magpanggap na wala akong pakialam.

But how can I just shrug these away? Fourteen years of existence, despite my attitude that they seem to hate, I was treated like a princess. Yet from my fifteenth birthday forward, everything turned upside down. Eight years, but why the fuck can't I move on?

"Heather Cassia, leave before I order the guards to drag you out."

Sumikip ang dibdib ko. Nilabanan ko ang pagkuyom ng aking kamao. Gusto kong suntukin si dad sa mukha, 'yung sobrang lakas at sobrang sakit, but that would be unfair. Physical pain can never be matched to the emotional pain he's giving me.