A Flower's Nudity

2

"I'll be there in 30 minutes. Nasa bahay pa 'ko. Inform Mr. Cho that I would be busy this week, I have no time for his complaints . . . Yes . . . Confirmed. Plus, remove my 9th appointment."

I kept on scanning the new set of cosmetics above my cabinet while this man in my room is talking to his secretary on the phone.

I am now a captive, jailed in his mansion walls. I can sense the setting sun, but I want to go in the woods away. I want to escape. Always have been.

Narinig ko ang pagtatapos ng usapan. In my peripheral view, I saw him put his phone in his pocket. Bahagya siyang lumapit.

"Aalis na 'ko. Manang Ymir is downstairs, you can approach her if you need something."

Inilapag ko ang hawak kong MAC lipstick sa bedside table at hinarap siya. Sa simpleng pagtatama ng aming mga mata ay para na akong hinihigop, isinasalang sa nagbabagang lutuan. Hindi nagbago ang epekto niya sa akin. Pero kung may pinagkaiba man noon at ngayon, ngayon ay wala na akong pakialam anumang klase ng emosyon ang kaya niyang ihatid sa akin.

Tiningnan ko ang aking mga kuko na nangangailangan na ng manicure. "What if I ask her to let me go because that's actually the only thing I want, would she let me?"

"Manong Eren and Manong Reiner is in-charge of the gate," Lord replied. Hindi niya pinansin ang sinabi ko, punyeta. "Don't try to leave the house. Mamayang hapon pa ang uwi ko at baka medyo gabihin ako. Don't wait, just in case."

Umismid ako. "As if, kahit huwag ka nang umuwi, Mr. Lord Lavigne. At kung tungkol naman diyan sa dalawa mong guwardiya, I can seduce them enough to make the gate wide open for me. How about that?"

Walang-buhay ang mata niyang tumingin sa akin. Taliwas ito sa klase ng mga mata na nakilala ko noon. "You're 23. Huwag nang matigas ang ulo, Hid."

"Don't call me Hid," I aggressively reacted. "Hindi por que asawa kita ay close na tayo. Tandaan mo, sa papel lang 'yon."

He remained stoic despite my insensitivity. "You talk like an idiot."

"Of course, I talk like an idiot. Otherwise how could you understand me?"

Sa huli ay nagpakawala na lang siya ng hangin. "I can give you everything you need, even freedom. But the freedom you are asking is beyond the limitation. You are free in doing anything inside the house, free in giving orders, free in getting and using anything you want. Pero ang lumabas at pumunta sa kung saan, hindi ko mapahihintulutan."

Gusto kong matawa, iyong malakas at puno ng sarkasmo, pero pinili kong manatiling walang-reaksiyon. "The Lord Lavigne, stupid enough to give me the kind of freedom I don't even need. Kung ano pa 'yung kalayaan na gusto ko, siya namang ipinagkakait. What's the use?"

"Enough." Ang seryoso niyang boses ang nagpatigil sa akin sa pagsasalita. "Akala mo ba ay palagi ka na lang nasusunod? Palagi ka na lang tama? Ayaw mong may nagtuturo sa'yo, o may nagsasabi ng dapat mong gawin. How perfect can you be?"

"Oh!" Tumawa ako at tumalikod. Padaskol akong humiga sa kama at nagtalukbong ng kumot. "I can't be perfect, especially that marrying you have already made the devils laugh."

I don't remember the details how our not-so-normal discussion came to an end. Basta ang alam ko ay napainit ko na naman ang ulo ng asawa ko sa umaga ring ito. Uh, the term 'asawa' urges me to shriek.

Well, I grew up having these kinds of conversation with other people, and sometimes worse. Aminado akong wala akong kuwentang kausap para sa iba. 'Nga lang, hindi ako magbabago para sa kanila.

Those close-minded people never understand me, no single person ever did. My mom, she seldom understood me, but she's the best in my circle. She taught me that sometimes, there are things we don't understand but still respect them.