Monsta [book 2]

028

santana's point of view

A hour ago Hyungwon came into my room and laid down, he hasn't said a word. He's hugging me as if I'm a teddy bear he's afraid to lose.

Me: Are you okay?

He shakes his head 'no'

I already knew that, he hasn't been okay in a while. I was just waiting on him to admit it. He avoided counseling as if it was the black plague, and don't even get me started on his coping mechanisms.

There's no reason as to why people tend to feel this way, sometimes it just happens. All you can do is make sure that person never feels alone.

His big eyes look into mine and I smile, he does too. I place a light kiss to his forehead and sigh.

Hyungwon: I'm surrounded by love on a daily basis rather it's you, the guys or monbebes and yet I still feel so lonely. I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know I'm loved and you guys are here.

I stay silent, listening to his thoughts he's been holding in for so long.

Hyungwon: I hate waking up and instantly wanting to go to sleep again. And not because I'm sleepy but because I'm genuinely tired.

It breaks my heart knowing that he feels this way. I just wanna keep him in my arms away from the world forever.

Hyungwon: Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you.
Me: Don't say that.
Hyungwon: It's true, this is the first time I've hung out with you in days.
Me: Your schedule has been busy.
Hyungwon: Stop using that excuse to make me feel better. The other guys have been all over you almost everyday and then there's me, hiding.

I don't want him to feel bad for having these feelings.

Me: I understand Wonny, I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here.

Something wet lands on my chest.

Hyungwon: Promise?
Me: Of course.

__

Sex.

I need it now or I'm going to snap. It's been four weeks since one of the seven dwarfs fucked me. They've been away handling promotions in Japan, while I've been home losing my mind.

Taeyun and Lee stares at me while I bang my head against the counter.

Taeyun: Is she okay?
Lee: Dick deprived.
Taeyun: I can help with that.

He winks at me and I scoff.

Lee: I told you she has a boyfriend.

Or two, or five, more like seven.

Taeyun: What kind of boyfriend doesn't give his girlfriend sex for weeks?
Lee: You know what being an idol is like.

My eyes widen, I'm going to strangle him.

Taeyun: You're dating an idol? Spicy.

Thankfully he doesn't ask any other questions. He takes a sip from his beer before smiling.

Taeyun: So, how will we get the group back together?
Me: Well first you guys need to find out what was the real reason behind disbanding. Who's idea was it in the first place?
Lee: Definitely not mine.
Taeyun: Or mine.

I stand to my feet.

Me: Let's go to the mart to see RJ!

___

warning: this book maybe longer than the first